Absolute Scum

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Faced with two 16-year old youths who had desecrated Blackburn Cathedral by damaging a valuable cross and scribbling racist and sexually abusive graffiti on prayer books, the chairman of the magistrates’ bench said in sentencing: ‘Normal people would consider you absolute scum.’

His fellow magistrates agreed with him, but the clerk of the court objected to the language he used which she considered inappropriate. Unsurprisingly, the mother of one of the boys has lodged a complaint and an inquiry is now in progress.

Referring to the actions of the clerk, the magistrate later said, ‘She could have turned around and faced the bench and had a quiet word.’

He is absolutely right. Instead of wasting time looking into the language used by the magistrate and supported by many of us, the inquiry ought more to focus on why the court clerk bothered to interfere in this way.
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Good Grief!

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The former mayor of Preesal, a village in Lancashire, has been jailed for two years after admitting three counts of breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear.

He was caught because one woman had the foresight to install a hidden camera which caught him in the act. Police searched the man’s home and found stolen underwear, some of which was marked with the women's names.

Two years in jail is a severe price to pay for acquiring ladies underwear. Why didn’t he just go to Marks & Spencers like everyone else?
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In The ‘Knicker Department’

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Sometimes some stories just hold the mind for no good reason.

So a couple of ‘Knicker Department’ stories give some light relief from the failing economy, rising taxes, ‘Bronco’ Brown, strikes, social security handouts and all the other things calculated to make one’s blood boil.

The first is the ongoing and somewhat boring saga of a South African athlete’s gender. It seems that tests have revealed the lady’s testosterone levels are three times higher than those normally expected in a female. Oh, how boring! Why doesn’t someone just ask permission to take a look for heaven’s sake?

The second concerns the former mayor of a Lancashire town who has been arrested on suspicion of stealing women’s underwear. And you always thought those ‘knicker-nicker’ jokes were fiction!
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