Ouch!

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The spin doctors don’t always know what’s best in a situation and they certainly got it wrong when they persuaded Gordon Brown to return to Gillian Duffy’s house to apologise to her in person following the ‘off-record’ gaffe he made on Wednesday.

I said at the time that this was a very bad idea and that, having telephoned his apology to Mrs Duffy, things should have been left at that. But, no, the spin doctors thought that an apology in person followed by scenes of the pair warmly shaking hands afterwards would put an end to a story that was running out of control.

But now we know for certain that Mrs Duffy refused to come out and be photographed with Brown who was forced to emerge grinning like the Cheshire Cat from the house on his own.

Thus has one Rochdale housewife humbled the Prime Minister of Great Britain. As did, in effect, the spin doctors as well who, in this case, got it terribly wrong. On Sunday, in what is now being callef ‘Duffygate’, we will learn more about what happened when these two people met.

In the meantime, the last of the three leaders’ debates is now mercifully over and, according to reports, ‘Teflon’ Blair is being brought back to bolster Brown’s campaign.

The spin doctors should take care. That could finish Labour off for good!
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We All Make Gaffs!

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I don’t join in the general condemnation of Gordon Brown for making inappropriate remarks in what he thought was private about a woman voter in Rochdale, stupid though it was.

We have all made gaffs in unguarded moments, though I can’t think of any of mine offhand although there are bound to have been quite a few. The only thing to do is to face up to them and apologise for them straight away. And that is what Gordon did in the most humbling and public of ways.

So let that be the end of the matter.
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Few Would Argue

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There is a very thoughtful article in this morning’s Independent about attitudes to crime and prisons. In particular, it highlights the case of one prisoner helped by the St Giles Trust which, like other similar agencies, offers lifelines to released prisoners.

Labour and Tory parties believe that increased crime is inevitable and are committed to building more prisons to deal with it. All parties are committed to rehabilitation schemes. However, the Lib-Dems say they they would not build more prisons but would replace short prison sentences with rigorous community sentences. They would also establish studies to discover what cuts crime and assess the best schemes for the rehabilitation of offenders.

The thrust of the article is that, while the main parties talk about rehabilitation of offenders, insufficient funds are currently given to those involved in this work. It points out that if the Trust and others like it were given more funds it would be possible to offer every offender leaving prison a new lifeline and that the potential savings for the economy are enormous. To support this, the head of the Trust has said that, ‘An independent study has shown that the prisoners we work with have a re-offending rate 40% lower than the national re-offending rate. Investment in this work carries far more value than what people get up to in the city.’

Few, I think, would argue with this.
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Noah’s Ark Found?

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It is reported that a 15-strong team of Chinese and Turkish explorers have found the remains of Noah’s Ark 12,000 feet atop the snow-capped peak of Mount Ararat in Turkey.

References to Noah’s Ark and its landing on Mount Ararat are made in a number of ancient texts in which Noah builds a huge ship and saves mankind and its animals from the Great Deluge that was sent by God to clean the world of its wickedness.

Many people will now be intensely interested in the latest discovery, the site of which is being kept secret until the Turkish government designates it as an archaeological one protected by a UNESCO World Heritage status.

The structure discovered on Mount Ararat has several compartments, possibly made of a cypress wood, and carbon dating has shown the remains to be 4,800 years old. This coincides with the archaeological dating of the Great Flood of around 3,000 BC.

We await the next instalment of this exciting discovery with much interest.
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Fed-Up!

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I’ve probably said it before, but in the 1950s I went to an all-boys secondary school in London where the discipline was red-hot. All of us knew where the invisible but definite lines of conduct were drawn and no-one was surprised with the punishment that followed when any of us crossed them.

The school, ranked in those days as a technical school, was proud of its educational achievements. Many pupils excelling in the trades and arts streams went on to go to various colleges or apprenticeships while some of the more academic ones went on to university if their parents could afford it.

And then the government started tinkering with the educational system, and so-called ‘comprehensive’ schools were brought in to replace the secondary schools.

In my case, our school was closed and we joined a brand-new comprehensive school into which boys and girls from three other schools in the district were merged if not thrust. And then the whole thing went to pot so far as I was concerned. Discipline went out of the window for a start and, in my view at any rate, standards slowly declined. The merging of three schools into one was followed fairly swiftly by a chronic teacher shortage and in my last six months there I was effectively an unpaid teacher, earning a glowing last report from my headmaster but very little else.

Ever since then, the government has continued its tinkering with the educational system and its standards and I just do not believe any of the figures that are produced from time to time that suggest standards are rising. You have only to look at some of the examination questions posed in secondary schools all those years ago to see the gap which has arisen. To take one example, in November 2008 the Royal Society of Chemistry reported there had been a ‘catastrophic slippage’ in standards of science taught in schools, which left children with a superficial understanding of chemistry, biology and physics. You don’t have to look far for similar comments on other subjects.

One indicator in the decline can be seen in the dress of pupils as they leave school. Those emerging from my local comprehensive look a dishevelled or suggestive disgrace. These scruff-bags contrast with the neat and tidy uniforms of the boys and girls attending the local grammar school. Perhaps this indicator is a trivial one but, nonetheless, it points not only to the standards but the discipline in the two different schools.

Where is all this leading to? It is because of two reports that have surfaced.

The first is to do with those busybodies in the EU where the Council of Europe says that smacking violates a child’s human rights. It appears that while smacking is banned in our state and private schools, the law does not cover part-time educational institutions, such as Sunday schools, private tutors or adults in the home. The Council wants Britain to enforce a smacking ban across the board, criticising our traditional parenting practices which it says is based on ‘authority’.

It’s interesting, isn’t it? A parent, private tutor or someone in a Sunday school can administer a short-sharp shock, but not school teachers. Of course, many will argue that there are many other ways to discipline a disobedient or non-compliant child and this is undoubtedly true. On the other hand, there are some children that may need a sharp reminder now and again as to who is in charge. Anyhoo, my point is that the EU want us to remove yet another aspect of a parent’s authority.

Turn then to a report from the Sutton Trust whose research has found that children’s exam results in England were more strongly linked to their parents’ education than in many other countries. Now isn’t that a surprise? In other words, the parents may have been better educated than their children!

The Trust warns about what they call the ‘social segregation’ in England’s secondary schools and recommends that the government creates ‘more balanced intakes in secondary schools and pilot innovative approaches to improve attainment for the poorest children’. I seem to have heard something along those lines once or twice before.

I am not an educationalist. I’m just a grumpy old fellah fed up with experts constantly tinkering with all aspects of our lives. I’m fed-up with constantly seeing loutish behaviour and a lack of respect, not only from children but from adults as well. I’m fed-up with graffiti, litter and indiscipline. I’m fed-up with constantly hearing about a person’s ‘human rights’, most often applied to criminals, illegal immigrants and those who don’t want to do an honest day’s work. I‘m fed-up with hearing that the police are frustrated in their efforts by a timorous Crown Prosecution Service. Most especially, I’m fed-up with the van driver who damaged my car last evening while I was in the supermarket and who quickly drove away though, fortunately, not before his number plate was taken by someone.

I really am sounding like a grumpy old man and, indeed, I expect I am. On the other hand, we surely cannot go on the way we have done for the last few years.
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Sobering Thought

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Some of the morning newspapers report Stephen Hawking’s warning that extraterrestrials are almost certain to exist but that we should avoid encouraging any contact with them.

‘To my mathematical brain,’ he says, ‘the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational. The real challenge is to work out what aliens might actually be like’. He adds that trying to make contact with alien races is ‘a little too risky’ and that ‘If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.’

That’s a very sobering thought for a Monday morning!
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Woof, Woof!

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The government is trialling a new scheme, The Pets As Therapy programme, designed to calm and relax young offenders, including those with mental issues, in HMP Hindley near Wigan.

It involves introducing a dog into the prison which will roam the jail under the supervision of an officer. Prisoners will be able to pet it and play with it and help in its care. A spokesman said, ‘The idea is that the animal is therapeutic and improves the inmates’ behaviour, making them feel better, less angry and less prone to smashing up their cells.’

Though the local Tory candidate has described the scheme as ‘utterly ridiculous’, I think it’s a wonderful idea.

You might say that this is because I’m a dog-lover and this is partly true. However, for many years now some US prisons have been taking in waifs and strays and allowing certain prisoners to rehabilitate them so that they can be found new homes. The dogs live in the prisoners’ cells and are regularly taken out for exercise, groomed and generally cared for. Prisoners are also taught how to train the animals. These schemes work miracles in US prisons - both for unwanted dogs and the prisoners themselves - and there is, apparently, long waiting lists from long-term inmates to participate in them.

Perhaps, something along the lines of the American scheme could work in British jails and bring down the incidence of violence in some of them.

In any event, anything which will show young offenders that there is a gentler and calming side to life can only be applauded. Good luck to them and Barney the dog!
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The Forgotten Message

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Most of the morning newspapers lead on the election and the chances of a hung parliament following Nick Clegg’s sudden rise in the popularity polls.

The Tory and Labour parties must now be bitterly regretting their agreement to the televised leaders’ debates. Until the first of these, the elections were primarily between the two main parties. After ninety minutes of debate it became clear that this election was now a three-horse race.

The leaders’ debates have also turned the election into a sort of Presidential race in which it has been forgotten that we are voting not for Clegg, Cameron or Brown but for our local man or woman, many of whom have served our local communities for years.

And this is a message that seems to have been forgotten as the three leaders slug it out in what has become something of a ridiculous personal popularity show.
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All Is Well

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We walk our two dogs in the tranquility of Two Tree Island in Essex every morning and today was no exception.

This Friday morning the sun was shining bright in a clear blue sky in which the only things to be seen were the contrails of three noiseless aircraft high above us.

Among the varied birdsong were the grasshopper warblers competing with the croaking of the pheasants, the cries of the gulls, the sweet songs of the blackbirds as well as the nightingales which have been with us for the last four days. And, for the first time this year, above them all were the repetitive noisy calls of the cuckoo.

At high tide, the waters of the Thames Estuary were as placid as they could possibly be. Various ships were passing up and down, including Marco Polo, the first cruise ship to call into Tilbury this year. Down by Southend Pier could be seen an old Thames barge with its distinctive brown sail.

The resident badger has been busy, as could be seen from the many areas it has dug over in the search for tasty earthworms and roots. Rabbits, untroubled by our presence, grazed among the daffodils well away from our dogs which, in any event, are couch-potatoes and too lazy to bother giving chase.

Everywhere are the signs of spring and the coming summer. Many of the blossoms are in full bloom and the buds on the trees and bushes are slowly uncurling. The landscape which was brown and bare is turning green and lush in this little corner of our world. Across Leigh Creek and above Leigh Downs, Hadleigh Castle positively shone in the early morning sunshine and cows grazed peacefully beneath it in the bright green grass.

Truly this was a morning when God was in his heaven and all was certainly well with the world.

Politicians excepted!
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Uninspiring

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The morning papers are agreed that last night’s televised leaders’ debate was a draw between the three men and that Cameron and Brown had smartened up their act.

The debate in my view was uninspiring. The three men all seemed to be saying, more or less, the same thing. There were promises and yet more promises galore. What I think irritated me more than anything was Brown’s repeated promises to improve this or that, to introduce fairness and so on and so forth.

What Brown didn’t explain, and Clegg and Csmeron failed to challenge him on it, was why the Labour Party after thirteen years in office did nothing about the promises and undertakings they now see fit to give.

Promises, promises ...
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Different!

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In the town of Hoorn, near Amsterdam, the Dutch have a prison for offenders near the end of their sentences who are allowed weekend leave.

In a change from what normally happens in prisons, this one has been burgled. Not once, but twice in the last six weeks when cheeky burglars took the televisions from prisoners’ cells.

It appears that the establishment is a minimum-security prison, but you’d have thought they would at least have locked the cells!
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Unpopular

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Ryanair’s Chief Executive, Michael O’Leary, has risked the wrath of passengers and a possible legal challenge by refusing to pay the hotel and food bills of passengers stranded by the airspace closure.

‘There's no legislation that says any airline getting a fare of €30 should be reimbursing passengers many thousands,’ he said, adding that Ryanair would reimburse travellers the original price of their air fare and no more.

Other airlines have said that the EU regulation was intended to apply when airlines had individual delays or cancelled flights and not to a shutdown of the airways system imposed by governmental rulings and without any limitation of time.

Ryanair’s stand will be unpopular with those who at their own cost have made their own way home across Europe. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem right that, as O’Leary says, someone paying just €30 for a fare would qualify for food and board without limit.

Perhaps the answer is for the government to set up a fund to deal with situations like the one caused by the Icelandic volcano. However, it will be a brave man in the future who closes our airspace once again.

[Later in the day, O'Leary said that Ryanair would conform to the legislation and pay 'reasonable' expenses incurred.]
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Raw Navigators

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Most people know about the infamous Captain Bligh and the mutiny on the Bounty in 1789. Many may also know that he and eighteen other crew members were put off the ship near Tonga in a 23 foot open-deck launch so heavily loaded that the gunwales were only a few inches above the water and were left to fend for themselves. They were given a few days supplies and survived by catching fish and drinking rain water.

Bligh was an expert navigator, having honed his skills under voyages with Captain Cook, and with only a sextant and a pocket watch and no charts or compass, he navigated that little boat 3,618 nautical miles over 47 days to Timor with only the loss of one man who was killed by natives when the launch put in to Tofua for supplies.

By any standards, the voyage was a miracle of raw navigation and it is now being recreated by four men who have set sail from Tonga in a 25 foot open-deck boat with two small sails. Like Captain Bligh and his crew, they are recreating the conditions faced over 200 years ago by taking only ship biscuits, pork, six bottles of wine and over 100 litres of water. They also will not be taking charts, compass or lights.

Bligh’s voyage was outstanding by any standards and, hopefully, his feat will now be recreated by four very brave men. I wish them well.
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On, Off, On ...

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First it was on then it was off, then on and now it’s off again - the airspace ban I mean. As of this morning, all airports have reopened, and what a relief that is.

What has been most interesting was the way in which some folk contrived to get back home while the airports were closed.

Instead of sitting on their hands and waiting for someone else to sort things out, many folk have taken charge of their own lives and come up with the most inventive ways of getting home. Six cyclists bought a battered old Lada and a trailer and drove home, planning to recoup the cost on eBay. Some bought second-hand cycles. Others took trains, taxis and buses across Europe to reach one of the Channel ports. Yet others have been flying in opposite directions to get as close to the UK as possible and, indeed, some have returned home via Iceland, the place which is causing the problem in the first place. Some of the stories are quite extraordinary and the ingenuity shown just has to be admired.

Amid all the chaos caused by the ban on flights over British airspace, dear old Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, popped up and said that the restrictions might be indefinite.

In the event, Boris has been proved wrong, at least for the moment, but if he is right then a lot of people are going to have to get a lot more inventive.
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Good Luck!

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I wrote last week about near-death experiences and the theories that some scientists have for the phenomenon.

Some things are beyond explanation, as witness the three-year-old German boy who fell into a pond and was clinically dead for over three hours but who inexplicably and against all the odds revived.

That was a miracle in itself but what was also very interesting was that, while unconscious, the little boy reported that he had seen his late great-grandmother who turned him back at a gate and urged him to go back to his parents. ‘I knew I was in heaven. But grandma said I had to come home,’ he said.

I wish this little boy well for the future. As sure as anything, he has a guardian angel looking after him. And good luck to him!
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Low Life

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It is reported that millions of species new to science have been discovered in what has been said was the most ambitious survey ever to study tiny life forms at the bottom of the ocean.

The survey, undertaken by the Census of Marine Life, has taken over ten years and has learned more about microscopic organisms, and part of the study found microbes with 18 million different DNA sequences.

I wonder if any of them share DNA with some of our discredited politicians?
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Cleggmania?

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Two stories dominate the morning papers: the ash cloud hovering over much of Europe and grounding airplanes, and the apparent growth in the support for Nick Clegg and the Lib-Dems.

Perhaps we are heading for a hung parliament but much can happen before we actually get to vote, and it is what happens on 6 May that will count not the current media hysteria.

Clegg did well during last week’s televised debate; so much so that many folk thought that the Lib-Dems were going to get Gordon Brown’s vote. But there are two more debates to follow, and Clegg is going to have to justify his stand on a number of sensitive issues - Trident, the euro, the EU, immigration and others. At the same time, Messrs Brown and Cameron are going to have to sharpen their acts if their parties are to make any progress.

On the other hand, perhaps a hung parliament might be good for the country for a few years since, if the Lib-Dems have the balance of power, then we might see some relief from the more extreme policies of the other two parties.

There are another two debates and another two weeks of politicking (groan!). But, whatever the polls, the pundits and the experts have to say on the subject, none of us will know for sure until the fat lady sings on 6 May!
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Inconveniently Silent

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Our skies have been silent and empty of aircraft since Thursday and much of European airspace is set to be closed for a day or two more, maybe longer. Meantime, trains, coach and car hire companies along with ferries are all reporting increased business.

Some experts say that this Icelandic volcanic dust cloud, even now leaving slight deposits of ash over our houses and cars, may last for some time to come and that we must adapt to life without aircraft in the meantime. That comes as no comfort to those who are stranded hundreds or even thousands of miles away or who need to travel for urgent medical or other reasons.

We have not been without aircraft for many years, and those wanting to move around the world did so by ship or by travelling overland where that was possible. The current situation reminds us of those days.

The problem is that ‘those days’ were entirely geared up to life without planes, and ships regularly travelled to the major coastal cities around the world on set schedules. There were more ferry services also in ‘those days’ and many of these have since been scrapped. Maybe there were also fewer border controls enabling easier travel across borders than at present.

The truth is that we are not in a position to manage without aircraft these days and the current situation is a harsh reminder that we are all subject to the whims of Nature.

How long this particular whim will last remains to be seen. In the meantime, we may have to do without many of the things we have become accustomed to that have hitherto been ferried into Britain by air.

Meantime, our skies remain pleasantly, but inconveniently, silent.
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Lots And Lots And ...

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During Thursday’s televised debate, David Cameron revealed the startling news that the Metropolitan Police have four hundred uniformed officers working in its personnel department rather than being out on the beat catching criminals.

The Met have now hit back and said that over 350 of the officers in the department were training community support officers, police drivers and new recruits.

I don’t know who writes the Met’s press releases, but it would be instructive to learn just how many support officers, police drivers and new recruits are being trained by over 350 uniformed officers.

There must be an awful lot of them!
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A Clear Winner!

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Nick Clegg was clearly the master of last night’s televised debate in which the three party leaders discussed questions posed by the audience.

Of course, as he himself pointed out, his party was not one of those who have been mucking up Britain for the last forty years. So he was able to cast himself in the role of honest broker whose frustration at the politics of the other two men was palpable.

David Cameron, as was to have been expected, gave a polished performance in contrast to Gordon Brown’s aggressive stance which probably earned him few friends. Nor did Brown’s stubborn refusal to answer some of the questions, the planned increase in national insurance contributions for example, a reminder of his tactics in parliament.

Did we learn much from last night? Not much in my view, except that Clegg gave the clearest account of what he would do were he to be our next prime minister. He also made the point that all three parties needed to get together to deal with some of the big issues, the country’s deficit for instance, a suggestion not markedly taken up by the other two leaders.

Two things I found irritating. The first was Gordon’s enthusiastic agreement that just about everything under discussion needed improvement. Why then, were they not improved during his thirteen year tenure of office? The second thing was Alastair Stewart’s abrupt interruptions to some answers just when it would have been interesting to have heard them.

It will be interesting to see how the three men adapt their performances for next week’s debate. By then the party PR consultants will have been at work.

But whether they or the leaders themselves can part the veil of obfuscation, counteraccusation and pure politicking that we witnessed last night is quite another thing.
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A Temporary Peace

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Thanks to the ash cloud drifting across northern Europe from the erupting volcano in Iceland, our skies are free of aircraft and of the noise they make. They are also free of the attractive contrails that children like to watch and wonder at.

Such peace. I wonder how long it has been since our skies were so free of aircraft?

What a shame the peace will not last long - but that’s a selfish thought since I’m not planning any air flights in the near future.

Nonetheless, it’s very peaceful!
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Send ‘Em Back!

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Cultural representatives from twenty countries have been meeting in Cairo to discuss how to recover ancient artefacts which were stolen and taken abroad in the past.

Organised by Egypt’s Supreme Council of Antiquities, the conference discussed ‘the protection and restitution of cultural heritage’. Just as Egypt wants a return of many of its pharaonic items, countries like Greece, Italy, China and Peru seek a return of their looted ancient artefacts.

Greece wants the Elgin Marbles back, Egypt the Rosetta Stone and the bust of Queen Nefertiti, Peru its Inca treasures ... the list is endless.

These countries are right to demand the return of their antiquities, even though this would denude many museums around the world. The argument that some countries could make copies of certain artefacts to return, such as the Rosetta Stone for instance, doesn’t work for the originals could just as easily be returned and the copies kept.

The discussion will, alas, last for many years and is likely to be fruitless in my view, wrong though this is.
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Much To Be Thankful For

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Floods in Brazil, storms in India and Bangladesh and an earthquake in China, all have killed hundreds of people and rendered thousands homeless.

We have much to be thankful for living in Britain, though sometimes we don’t seem to know it.
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Legal Aid

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Much of the country was aggrieved to learn on Monday that the three MPs charged with alleged abuses of their expenses and who have claimed parliamentary privilege have been granted legal aid. Indeed, Gordon Brown voiced the feelings of most folk when he said that the three would have to repay any legal aid awarded to them.

Since then the Legal Services Commission has said it was up to the trial judge to decide how much, if any, the three would repay. The head of the Law Society also pointed out that, ‘It is a principle of our legal system that anyone charged with a criminal offence before the Crown Court is entitled to legal representation’.

The lawyers may be right. But so is public opinion on this occasion.
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A Sign Of The Times

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I am of the generation where a misdemeanour in the home might have led to a clip round the ear, though I can’t remember it happening too often.

My generation also knew that if a youth was seen misbehaving in the street by a policeman, a clipped ear might follow - thus saving much paperwork and aggravation all round.

But times have changed, as witness the case of a gentleman in Manchester who administered a clipped ear to his 16-year-old stepdaughter who promptly complained to the police. The man was arrested on suspicion of common assault, taken to a police station, held in the cells overnight and finally released after accepting a caution.

The time and effort, not to mention the paperwork, involved in all this must have been considerable, and one wonders why it could not have been dealt with in the man’s living room without the need to lock him up overnight and criminalise him.

It’s politically incorrect to say it - but a clipped ear now and again might do some modern youths a great deal of good!
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No Stable Address

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Back in January I commented on the unusual case of a man in Leicester who was accused of buggery with a horse and a donkey.

Facetiously, I wondered how the animals managed to lodge a complaint. The answer to that question will never be known, for the 66-year old man pleaded guilty to four counts of buggery at Leicester Crown Court yesterday and was remanded in custody until the end of next month.

Defence counsel told the court that the man had no previous convictions and asked for him to be released on bail as he did not, ‘have a stable address’.

I’m sorry - I couldn’t resist that!
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Not Once!

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Yesterday was a little chillier than previous days but, at least in my part of the world, bright and sunny nonetheless.

From the sounds around me yesterday morning, spring has most obviously sprung. Those of various lawnmowers giving the grass its first trim predominated initially. The strimmers and hedge-clippers followed. Then the spades straightening up flower beds and lawns and, finally, the garden brooms and the more subtle sounds of garden waste sacks being shuffled.

Sight and scent also announce that spring has arrived after what has seemed an eternity of winter. The scent of freshly-cut grass permeates my garden and overlays that of the hyacinths which are now already drooping along with the daffodils. Bluebells are blooming in one bed while, in another, the last of the snowdrops are fading. Mock raspberry, grape-hyacinth, wild violet, some pansies and the forsythia all bring colour to the garden. The bushes and trees are all busting into life.

At some point I will pay attention to the weeds that seem to have taken the opportunity to spread while the cold of winter distracted me from the garden. I’ve done enough for now; it looks much tidier and the weeds can wait another day or two.

A few hours in the garden Sunday morning bought a feeling of accomplishment, peace even. And not once did I think of that wretched General Election!
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‘For The Second Time ...’

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Among all the party political bickering this morning, there is one beautiful tale about a 26 year-old man, Nick Verron, who was stabbed in the head with a screwdriver in an unprovoked attack in Bournemouth, Dorset last July.

Mr Verron fell into a deep coma and, after doctors said there was no hope for him, his mother gave permission for the drugs keeping him alive to be stopped along with his life support machine. And then the impossible happened; against the odds, he woke up.

The thug that did this terrible thing was fortunately jailed for seven years at Bournemouth Crown Court last week.

After the trial, the Mrs Verron said, ‘For the second time in his life, I was there when he took his first breath.’

What a wonderful thing to be able to say!
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‘People In Glass Houses ...’

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The Labour election candidate for Moray has been dropped like a hot potato after it was disclosed he had written a series of foul-mouthed rants on his Twitter page.

Labour initially backed him to remain as a candidate but dropped him a short while later after reading the comments in full and deciding they had no other option.

The young man concerned has apologised for his comments which, he says, were written a year ago while he was a student.

Boy! Has this young man grown up in just one year!
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Near-Death Experiences

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Scientists in Slovenia believe they have explained what causes the near-death experiences reported by thousands of people on the operating table.

They say that a study of heart attack victims showed high levels of carbon dioxide in their blood and that this creates a floating sensation in some and an intense feeling of joy and peace in others. Carbon dioxide showed up in the blood of 52 cases where patients ‘flatlined’, ie those who were resuscitated after their breath and hearts stopped. The scientists believe that carbon dioxide may alter the chemical balance of the brain and trick it into seeing lights, tunnels or even dead people.

The findings are disputed by a Southampton University researcher into near-death experiences. He believes that patients who had improved resuscitation after their hearts had stopped had better brain recovery and hence better recall and less amnesic effects of brain injury.

It’s very interesting, but it does not explain the many cases where some patients’ out-of-body experiences includes those who felt they were hovering above the doctors and able to see things outside the sensory range of their prone body.

‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’
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Definitely Dead!

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There are only two stories dominating the news this morning.

The first is Gordon Brown’s long-awaited announcement that this rotten parliament is finally to be terminated and that a General Election will be held on 6 May.

The second is the tale of the two German women who tried to smuggle a dead man sitting in a wheelchair and wearing sunglasses onto an easyJet flight from Liverpool to Berlin, presumably in an attempt to avoid the high cost of repatriating his body.

Insofar as the General Election is concerned, for the next month we will have wall-to-wall coverage of it along with the usual roll-out of pundits, experts and general know-alls. By the time we come to actually vote, we will all be thoroughly sick of the whole business.

Concerning the two ladies who took a corpse in a taxi to Liverpool Airport, it struck me that this was very much like Gordon Brown’s actions over the last few months.

His government was most definitely dead and had been for some time!
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What A Whopper!

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Fed-up with electioneering promises, attacks and counter-attacks, I looked round the newspapers for something far more interesting. Topical even.

I found it in the story of Darius, the three and a half stone Continental Giant Rabbit who lives with his owner in Worcester.

This giant rabbit eats a dozen carrots a day plus two daily meals of a pair of bowls of rabbit mix, three apples and a cabbage. The niece of the owner is seen holding Darius who, stretched out at four feet, three inches long is as long as she is.

Darius is only thirteen months old but, with another six months to grow, is already confirmed by Guinness World Records as being the biggest bunny in the world.

He is certainly one heck of an Easter Bunny!
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Hands Up If You Qualify!

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Government departments are not known for their skill or judgement in introducing new computer systems, and recent years have been littered with examples of expensive systems that have crashed or which have been unfit for purpose.

So it is no great surprise that the behemoth which is the Home Office has a computer system - the very same that does not know how many illegal immigrants are in the country - that does not record how long its own staff have been on their payroll.

Thus, when the Home Office introduced 25 years’ long service awards last year, they had to admit that staff have to nominate themselves for the award if they think they qualify.

These are the folk running the country!
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We’re Grandparents!

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It’s Easter Sunday, the day when Christians celebrate the resurrection of Christ, a day of joy on which to celebrate new life and hope for the future.

So it is most appropriate that this is the day on which our first grandchild, Oscar Frederick, was born.

We are grandparents and think it absolutely wonderful!
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Turbulent Priest In A Glass House?

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It is unusual for church leaders to criticise other churches, so it is hard to understand what motivated the Archbishop of Canterbury to announce that the Roman Catholic Church in Ireland has lost all credibility over the way it had dealt with paedophile priests.

Understandably, the Archbishop of Dublin has said he was stunned by the remarks.

The Church of England has plenty of its own problems. Should it concentrate on them perhaps?
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Every Day

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The teachers’ union, NUSUWT, have been meeting in Birmingham to discuss various issues. Among these is the role of students who sit in on teacher interview panels.

Pupils sitting on teacher interview panels? Are the lunatics now to run the asylums?

It is right to engage pupils in their school community but this practice has gone too far and teachers are right to react against it.

For once the government has got it right. A spokesman said, ‘The purpose is not to see pupils' views being used to feed into performance management of teachers’.

We learn something every day!
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Good Question!

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In his Good Friday message to the nation yesterday, Gordon Brown said, ‘The Christian churches are the conscience of our country, always ready to bear witness to the truth and to remind us of our responsibilities to what the Bible calls ‘the least of these’.

Hmm. I’m an old cynic and looked around for some sensible words to counter the chocolate-box sentiments oozing from the Downing Street copywriters.

I found them from dear old Ann Widdecombe who is always good for a quote. ‘If Gordon Brown is the Good Samaritan, perhaps he could explain why he robbed the pension funds and left so many people by the wayside?’

A very good question!
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Pointless Invective

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The proposed strike by signalmen (but only after the Easter holidays which accrues overtime!) belonging to the Rail Maritime and Transport Union has been averted following the granting of an injunction to Network Rail.

The reasons behind the strike, said to be about safe working practices, have been temporarily set aside in the acrimony that has followed.

Following the granting of the injunction, the General Secretary of the RMT said, ‘This judgement is an attack on the whole trade union movement and twists the anti-union laws even further in favour of the bosses. Workers fighting for the principle of a safe railway have had the whole weight of the law thrown against them’.

His comments were reinforced by the General Secretary of the TUC. ‘It’s becoming increasingly easy for employers, unhappy at the prospect of a dispute, to rely on the courts to intervene and nullify a democratic ballot for industrial action on a mere technicality.’

Note that neither of these gentlemen referred to the anomalies said to be contained in the RMT ballot results which suggested that there were flaws in 143 of the 828 workplaces identified by the union, including votes from eleven signal boxes which no longer exist. Or that in 67 of the signal boxes polled there were more votes cast than staff actually employed.

By all means have a strike if unions and management can’t meet and resolve their differences, but let the ballots be transparent and honest.

In the meantime, throwing invective at the judiciary makes no sense and achieves nothing!
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All Fools Day

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I’m not going to attempt to make any wise or cutting remarks about this morning’s news stories as it’s All Fools Day. Any of the unlikely or preposterous stories I may pick out from the morning’s papers, and heaven knows that there are so many of them, might be an April Fools joke.

There are many theories about the origins of a day on which people traditionally play practical jokes on each other though the custom appears to have been pretty well entrenched by the Middle Ages and refined ever since. None of the theories as to its origins seem to satisfactorily explain why much of the world needs a special day to perpetrate harmless jokes on people - Saturnalia, relief against the end of winter or a day to mark the old New Year’s Day after the calendar was reformed are just a few of them.

Possibly the most famous practical joke played on this day in Britain was the spoof news item run by the BBC Television in 1957 showing the Italian spaghetti harvest, a spoof I remember very well and which is repeated from time to time for the gullible. Back in 1957, the only spaghetti most people saw came out of tins and was covered with tomato sauce, so the joke may not have been apparent to many folk at that time. Nonetheless, it is a good example of a harmless practical joke played on the innocent.

What more can I say? Happy All Fools Day - and remember the jokes have to be perpetrated before noon!
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