So Much Pain

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Hardly had the world reacted to the disastrous earthquake in Haiti, there were mudslides in Madeira, an earthquake off the coast of Japan and another, massive, earthquake in Chile which has sent a tsunami out into the Pacific Ocean.

So much pain. So much heartbreak.

There is much to grumble about life in the UK but, thankfully, we are generally safe from these sort of natural disasters.
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Only Six?

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David Cameron has announced that his party will cover six issues in the run-up to the General Election - the national debt, the economy, the family, the NHS, schools and changes in Westminster.

All well and good, but many of us would also like to hear about Europe, taxation, immigration, pensions, council taxes, fuel bills ...
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No Surprise Then!

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The businessman who was given a Fixed Penalty Notice by Ayr police in October for blowing his nose while his van was stationary in traffic with its hand-brake on has had the case against him dropped after he refused to pay the £60 fine.

What a shame that the case was dropped for, in the tradition of AP Herbert’s ‘Misleading Cases’, it would have been fun to have heard the modern equivalent of Albert Haddock arguing his case in front of Mr Justice Swallow.

But there is no fun in the Procurator Fiscal’s Office who said officiously, ‘After further enquiry and careful consideration of all the facts and circumstances of this case, the procurator fiscal has decided that no further action is required.’

Not a word about why they couldn’t understand why the man was prosecuted in the first place!
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Even Then!

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Experts from Manchester University have discovered that the diet offered to Ancient Egyptian gods and subsequently eaten by the temple priests were the equivalent of today’s junk food and laden with artery-clogging saturated fat.

The evidence from this was taken from analysing the mummies of priests which bore the unmistakable signs of damaged arteries and heart disease, and also from the hieroglyphic inscriptions on temple walls detailing what was to be offered to the gods.

Reporting in The Lancet, the experts found that sumptuous meals of beef, wild fowl, bread, fruit, vegetables, cake, wine and beer were given up to the gods three times a day, and that these were eaten by the priests on the principle of it’s ‘a shame to let it go to waste’.

Not much has changed, has it?
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Just For Starters!

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Now and again politicians say it as they see it, as did Nigel Farage, UKIPs leading MEP during a debate in the European Parliament on Wednesday.

His attack on the EU President was quite remarkable:

‘I don't want to be rude, but you know, really, you have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low grade bank clerk.’ ‘The question that I want to ask and that we are all going to ask is: who are you? I had never heard of you; nobody in Europe had ever heard of you. I would like to ask you, Mr President: who voted for you?’

And that was for starters! Wow!

Unsurprisingly, the speech has provoked a furious reaction in the European Parliament as well as in Belgium, the home country of the EU President.

I might be quite wrong, but it seems to me that the questions posed by Mr Farage are reasonable ones and I’d be interested in the answers, supposing that some are given!
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Will Anyone Notice?

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The Public and Commercial Services Union have announced that 270,000 civil servants are to stage a 48-hour strike on 8 and 9 March in a dispute over cuts the government are making to public sector redundancy terms to which five other civil service unions have already agreed.

A number of other unions have announced plans to take strike action in the next few months, most notably the threat by British Airways cabin crew.

The question is: In contrast to the possible disruption caused by other planned strike actions, will anyone notice the absence of civil servants for two days?
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MasterChef - MasterMucky?

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After I ‘retired’, I managed a bar and restaurant in Alaska for a while. It was an interesting, if tiring, job and I much enjoyed living in a part of the world I knew quite well.

As anyone in the catering business will testify, cleanliness and strict hygiene are watchwords. Let these standards fall and the business may fail. Restaurant managers must ensure good hygiene standards are maintained and there is always the possibility of a Health Inspector making an unannounced call.

So I find it curious, if not a little disturbing, that the contestants in BBCs MasterChef series seem to pay little attention to good hygiene practices.

They very often do not wear hats to cover their hair, unlike most of the chefs in the restaurants in which they sometimes work. There is the towel or rag, hung from the waist, used to wipe the edges of the plates about to be sent out to customers; the same cloth used to mop sweaty brows.

Worst of all are the fingers - which I have yet to see covered up by disposable gloves. Fingers used to taste food, to wipe sweaty brows, even noses, to handle pots and pans and to handle the food itself. So much of the food produced in this and other television programmes are overly handled by fingers that are never washed or covered. Yuck!

My experience in that restaurant in Alaska heightened my awareness of what goes on in kitchens, especially busy ones, and ever since then I have avoided the sort of pretentious restaurants in which the equally pretentious food is likely to have been handled by - let’s not be afraid to say it - various mucky fingers.

Masterchef is a interesting and entertaining programme. But where are the most basic of hygiene procedures? Where are the hats to stop greasy hair falling onto food? Where are the disposable gloves? The producers of this programme need to start enforcing some basic hygiene procedures!
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Vote Winners?

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The New Statesman carries a ComRes poll that shows that three quarters of Tory prospective parliamentary candidates want to renegotiate the UK’s relationship with Europe ‘as a matter of priority’ and that 91 per cent favour a cap on immigration.

Unless Gordon has something to say on these subjects, they seem to be vote winners to me!.
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Mickey’s A Middle Eastern Wolf?

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I wrote earlier this morning about our Jack Russell terrier, Ollie. Our other dog, Mickey, is a Yorkshire terrier, a generally quiet little animal except for when he knows he is about to be taken out for a walk when the excited noise he makes has to be heard to be believed.

Unlikely as it seems, Mickey, like all other dogs, is supposed to be descended from wolves and gene research by scientists at the University of California show that this is indeed the case. Moreover, they’ve discovered that small dogs may all originate from the Middle East and that their small size probably originated as a result of the wolf's domestication.

Archaeologists have found the remains of small dogs dating back 12,000 years in the Middle East and scientists believe people may have preferred smaller dogs because they were easier to house in farming societies where space was at a premium.

It’s a pity though that the scientists can’t explain why such a small dog as Mickey can generate a noise level akin to a jumbo jet taking off when he knows he’s about to be taken out for a walk!
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You Can’t Beat A Dog’s Welcome!

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As the proud owner of (or should I say slave to?) a Jack Russell terrier, Ollie, I can testify that they are lovely little loyal dogs with bags of character.

One of the benefits of owing a dog is the wonderful welcome you get when you return home. Even if you’ve only popped round the corner for a newspaper, the welcome you get is as effusive as if you’d been away all day.

As a fugitive German man found out recently.

When police called at a house near Cologne to arrest a man, the door was opened by someone holding a Jack Russell terrier. When the dog was set down, it immediately led police to a cupboard where it stood expectantly outside with its tail wagging furiously. Of course, the man was inside and was swiftly detained.

You can’t beat a dog’s welcome!
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Keep The Old Lot!

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There’s an interesting little diversion this morning from all the usual woes.

In an interview, the Duke of Devonshire stated that he believes the aristocracy is dead. ‘Coffin’s nailed down, it’s in the ground!’ he says, and threatens to give up his title if hereditary peers are removed from the House of Lords.

But life peer Lord Tebbit has the answer. ‘I take the view that the House of Lords is operating quite well and that we should make the present life peers into hereditary peers.’

Hmm. As a personal view, I think I would prefer to maintain the old hereditary peers!
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Congratulations!

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Congratulations to Colin Firth for winning his first BAFTA award for best actor at the weekend.

And congratulations also to him for the most entertaining speech: ‘What Tom Ford doesn’t know is I have the e-mail in my outbox telling him I could not possibly do this. I was about to send this when a man came to repair my fridge. I don’t know what's best for me, so I would like to thank the fridge guy!’

It makes a refreshing change from all the usual tosh!
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Bullying?

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Much of today’s media has been side-tracked by the relatively unimportant allegation that Gordon Brown is a bully.

I don’t know whether he is or not and don’t much care to be truthful, though I do wonder whether a person can rise so high in life’s rankings without an element of aggression along the way - the survival of the fittest, so to speak.

This story was initiated by an author who claimed in a new book that Brown ill-treated his staff and that the Cabinet Secretary had to give him a ‘pep-talk’. This led to denials from Number 10.

The head of an anti-bullying charity then popped up to tell the world that her organisation had received complaints about bullying in Number 10, though she was careful to say that Brown was not named by the complainants. This led to the resignation of one of the charity’s patrons and calls for the head’s resignation on the grounds that she had breached confidentiality by making the disclosures.

Now David Cameron and Nick Clegg are calling for an Inquiry.

Bullying in the work place (or any other) is undoubtedly a problem. Heads of organisations want results and they want them quickly and this puts pressure on junior staff who, let’s face it, are unable to fight back regardless of what anyone says.

I’ve seen workplace bullying in action and, in circumstances where the boss is the final arbiter of an underling’s future, can testify as to the utter hopelessness of the person concerned as well as those around him or her. Livelihoods are at risk and it is a brave person who makes a complaint, either though an organisation’s own complaints procedures or to an anti-bullying charity.

Whether the Prime Minister will allow an Inquiry to be set up remains to be seen, though I’m not very hopeful of any clear result.

Meantime, people are being killed by war, devastation and poverty all around the world. Oughtn't we to be focussing more on these issues?
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‘No Interest’

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The Ministry of Defence has published its full archive of reported UFO sightings, but not before ‘uncomplimentary comments’ were blacked out along with comments about international relations and defence technology.

What a pity. We could do with some light relief in what seems to me to be an extended run-up to the General Election. What were these uncomplimentary remarks I wonder? Things like: ‘Utter Tosh!’, ‘What Rot!’, ‘Pure Drivel!’? Surely not?

And then my attention was drawn to a sniffy comment by an MoD spokesman. ‘Contrary to what many members of the public may believe, MoD has no interest in the subject of extraterrestrial life forms visiting the UK, only in ensuring the integrity and security of UK airspace.’

What then if a flying saucer landed in Hyde Park? Would the MoD have some interest then? Or would some ‘Civil Enforcement Officer’ come along and slap a parking ticket on it?
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The Madeira Mudslides

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I’m as bald as a coot and, if I get a bit chilly in what I am pleased to call my ‘office’, I sometimes wear a colourful cap I bought years ago in Madeira. That cap is a reminder of pleasurable holidays spent in this lovely island where the people are friendly, the food great and the scenery and wild life wonderful.

So it is very sad that forty people have been killed and many injured in the mudslides that have devastated parts of the island. Television pictures show dramatically the torrents of mud and rocks surging down the hills, taking everything in their paths and overflowing the narrow channels that normally drain off rain water. People have been killed or injured, property damaged, bridges downed and many places around the island covered in a sludge of mud and rock.

The Portuguese government have reacted swiftly to this catastrophe and our hearts go out to those who have lost family members, their houses or their livelihoods, and it is to be hoped that a normality will soon return to this pretty island.
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What Achievements?

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At a rally yesterday of the party faithful in which he launched ‘Operation Fightback’, Gordon Brown told Labour activists that they should not use the government’s achievements when seeking votes at the General Election.

Achievements? What achievements?

A leaflet aimed at Labour candidates warns them against asking for support on the basis of Labour’s record in office.

They got that right!
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Death To A ‘Death Tax’!

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At a meeting of charities, council chiefs and care providers, boycotted by Tory leaders, the government has been advised to back a compulsory levy payable on death to help pay for social care.

The Health Secretary said he wanted a ‘fairer way’ to pay for social care but, with a General Election looming, the government have refused to be commit to the charge, dubbed a ‘Death Tax’ by the Tories.

Clearly, with an increasingly ageing population something needs to be done. But a compulsory death tax?

What on earth have I and the rest of the population been making Social Security Contributions for all these years?
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Sad

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The morning newspapers and television news channels are all dominated by Tiger Wood’s public apology for his extramarital affairs and confirmation that he does plan to return to golf ‘one day'.

I am not a golfer and so am not really that interested in Mr Woods, his affairs or even his ultimate return to the sport, though the cynic in me wonders if his oddly staged 'news conference' was more to do with sponsorship than anything else.

What I do find very sad is that this relatively unimportant man occupies so much media space when so many other much more important news stories are shoved to the back!
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Yes Please!

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It is great news that the two writers of the BBC political sitcoms ‘Yes Minister’ and ‘Yes Prime Minister’ are to reunite and pen a play to be performed at the Chichester Festival in May.

Writers Sir Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn say that the play, ‘Yes Prime Minister’, will follow a tempestuous 48 hours in politics. They certainly have much background material to draw upon, that is for sure.

Actors David Haig and Henry Goodman will play the parts of Jim Hacker and Sir Humphrey Appleby, and seem to me to be superbly cast in characters originally made memorable by the late Sir Nigel Hawthorne and Paul Eddington.

The television and radio series ran between 1980 and 1988 and won a number of awards. It was a favourite programme in my household, and I still watch the hilarious programmes which, twenty-odd years later, still echo the political problems of today.

With a General Election looming, the following quote is as relevant now as it was all those years ago:

“Being an MP is a vast subsidised ego-trip. It’s a job that needs no qualifications, it has no compulsory hours of work, no performance standards, and provides a warm room, a telephone and subsidised meals to a bunch of self-important windbags and busybodies who suddenly find people taking them seriously because they've go the letters ‘MP’ after the their name.”

Let’s hope that the forthcoming play will be televised at some point!
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One Lesson Still Needs Learning!

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One of the problems, just one of many, of the Tory party is that some of its MPs just haven’t learned the mood of the public these days and remain arrogant and completely out of touch with reality.

The tales of grandee Tory MPs (as well as those of other parties) were magnified by news of fiddled expenses, most notably by those who claimed for moat cleaning and a duck house. Others haven’t learned since then.

Take, for example, the MP who announced in a radio interview that he will only travel first class because he says he shouldn’t have to travel in second class on trains with ‘a different kind of people’.

He forgets that it is you and me who are these ‘different kind of people’ and that we have been paying for this arrogant man’s travel expenses. It is just as well that he is retiring at the next election.

David Cameron needs to have a word, quiet or otherwise, with his people else he will lose the next election.
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You Learn Something Every Day

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The old adage about learning something new each day is certainly true.

I didn’t know, for example, that the tolerant Swiss permitted prostitution, but they do. Not only that, but the ladies are now being taught to use defibrillators to prevent clients with heart problems from dying on them!

My morning paper reports that brothel owners in Lugano say that the defibrillators are needed because so many elderly customers, some of which have having fun with anti-impotence drugs, are using the services of their girls.

A spokesman for the British Heart Foundation, said ‘Modern defibrillators are becoming increasingly quick and easy for the lay person to use.’

A bit like the ladies of Lugano it seems!
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Would They Have Used Their Own Passports?

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Despite the various problems in the Middle East, I have always thought that Israel was overly aggressive in many of the things it does.

Such may have been the case recently when it is alleged that eleven agents of Israel’s Secret Service, Mossad, entered Dubai on false European passports and killed a Hamas commander in a luxury hotel.

The British, Irish, German and French governments are outraged by the use of the fake passports and have demanded explanations from the Israelis who, unsurprisingly, have so far neither confirmed nor denied their involvement. Meantime, Interpol has issued arrest warrants for the eleven suspects.

I know nothing about Middle East politics, though I have often observed how one act of aggression usually draws forth a retaliatory act. And so it goes on in a seemingly endless cycle of aggression.

What the answer is I do not know, but at some stage the parties have got to come to the table, unbend a bit and try to reach a workable agreement.

But, in all the fury and anger being expressed over a killing by men using false passports, I did have one thought.

If the killers were Mossad agents, did anyone really expect them to go into Dubai on their own genuine passports?
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Malaria Not Murder?

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Since I was a teenager, I have been interested in Ancient Egypt and so I was most interested to read that scientists have effectively dispelled the theory that the 19 year-old pharaoh Tutankhamun was murdered.

Over the last two years scientists and Egyptologists have closely examined the pharaoh’s mummy as well as his blood and DNA. The latter was compared with ten other mummies and two have now been confirmed as being his grandmother and probably his father.

It really is quite amazing what can be discovered so many years after someone’s death. We now know that Tutankhamun may have had a rare bone disorder affecting the foot, called Kohler disease II, as well as a club foot and a curvature of the spine. Scientists also found that not long before his death he fractured a leg which did not heal properly. That he had problems with walking was reinforced by the discovery of canes in the pharaoh's tomb. Finally, they discovered that there were traces of the malaria parasite in the Tutankhamun’s blood.

The overall verdict seems to be that the fractured leg seriously weakened Tutankhamun’s health and that malaria finished him off.

This does seem to have dealt with the theory that the pharaoh was murdered. On the other hand, there is still speculation that what killed him was a fall from his chariot as may be evidenced by his chest cavity which was caved in as well as broken ribs.

The truth is that we will never know. But it is really quite amazing that scientists were able to extract DNA from a 3,300 year-old corpse which was badly charred as a result of the mummification process.
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Forty Days

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As in millions of other households last evening, Shrove Tuesday was celebrated in Chateau MacDonald with the traditional pancakes smothered in golden syrup and lemon juice. Delicious!

Pancake Day was the day on which folk in times long past used up their rich foods before starting the forty days of Lenten fasting. That kicks off today, Ash Wednesday, which gets its name from the custom of placing ashes on the forehead of supplicants as as sign of repentance.

The Lenten period is one of prayer, fasting and almsgiving. The faithful are supposed to give up something enjoyable, such as a special food for example, and keep it up for the forty days.

The morning papers give all sorts of advice for those wishing to observe Lent, but the one I like is from a couple of bishops who have suggested that give up some technology, such as mobiles and iPods for instance, for forty days and donate the money saved to charity.

While my family always celebrate Shrove Tuesday, my observance of the Lenten period is ... well, I have to admit it, ragged at best!

On the other hand, thanks to this wretched government, we are all giving up something this Lent!
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$97,000 In Speeding Fines?

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A university student in Dubai who racked up speeding tickets totalling $97,000 over the last two years has at last been caught by police who seized his 4x4 car.

The man has, apparently, coughed up $69,754 immediately and must find another $27,247 to get his car back.

Our country could do with an injection of cash. With access to cash of this size, we must get this young man to come to a university over here.

But he needs to leave his car at home!
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Cheap And Functional

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Vodafone has launched a mobile phone which they say is the ‘lowest-cost mobile phone on Earth’. It is aimed at the developing world, initially India, Turkey and eight African countries, and will sell for below £10.

The phone seems to do pretty much what most mobiles do except take photos and act as an MP3 player.

Since I use my mobile for just making and receiving phone calls, I wonder why this model couldn’t also be rolled out in Europe where I would guess many folk of my age group do the same.

But I guess also that there isn’t much profit in a mobile phone which sells for less than £10.
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Reconciliation?

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Last week the President of the Methodist Conference gave an address to the Church of England’s General Synod. In it he said that seeking the Kingdom of God should be considered more important than the continued existence of individual Churches.

It was an astonishing message. The Methodists were prepared to forge an alliance with the Anglicans if that was thought the best way forward. Indeed there are many that, in the light of falling congregations, feel the two Churches would achieve more if they pooled their resources.

There are sticking points, of course. For example, the Methodists don’t believe in bishops and some high-church Anglicans have strong views about the ordination of women. It is an interesting situation, especially as some Anglo-Catholics are threatening to leave the Church of England if it proceeds with plans to consecrate women as bishops (itself a hurdle to a reconciliation with the Methodists).

‘Seeking the Kingdom of God should be considered more important than the continued existence of individual Churches.’ It is a very powerful message.

I wonder how long then it will take before an Archbishop of Canterbury seeks a reconciliation with a Pope?
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Gravy Train

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It is reported that 382 BBC executives are earning more than £100,000. Of these, nearly a third earn more than £160,000 and 58 receive more than the Prime Minister’s £194,000 salary.

I now understand why so many MPs have announced that they will not be standing at the next General Election.

They are all queuing up for jobs with the BBC!
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Happy St. Valentine’s Day!

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Today is the festival of St. Valentine, the day on which we traditionally send greetings to those we love and cherish and, anonymously, to those we’d like to love and cherish.

There’s much argument about St. Valentine. Chief of these is: who was he? First mentioned by Pope Gelasius 1 in 496, more than one hundred years after the first official list of saints was produced, he was either a priest, a bishop or a martyr; you take your pick. There were seven St. Valentines and the one celebrated on 14 February was a priest or bishop who was martyred in ancient Rome.

Relics said to be of the saint are held in Rome, France, Austria, Malta, Glasgow and Birmingham. Other relics of his, exhumed from catacombs outside Rome and donated by Pope Gregory XVI to the Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin in 1836, feature in an annual Mass there for those in love.

There are no St. Valentine’s links to love and romance before it was mentioned by Chaucer in 1382, but by the time of Shakespeare 250 years later the links seem to have become well-established. By the time we reach Victorian times, ready-made Valentine Cards bound with lace and ribbons largely replaced handwritten love notes and commercialism really got under way. Now it is estimated that around half the UK population send Valentine cards and spend money on flowers, chocolates, jewellery and other gifts. Many of us also send ‘e-cards’ over the internet; the variety of cards is extensive and their cost minimal.

Many school children exchange cards on Valentine’s Day. But not in a primary school in Weston-Super-Mare in Somerset. There, the school banned pupils celebrating Valentine’s Day or sending cards so as to protect them from the emotional trauma of being dumped, and the poor mites have been told that any cards found will be confiscated. The Head Teacher said, ‘The school believes that such ideas should wait until children are mature enough emotionally and socially to understand the commitment involved in having or being a boyfriend or girlfriend.’ Humbug!

In sharp contrast to the silly attitude shown by this school, is the much more romantic one shown by the managers of Manchester Airport. It seems that romantic surprises have been spoilt in the past when the ring was pulled out as security staff rifled through bags. So this year passengers who plan to propose to partners on Valentine breaks need only utter the code phrase ‘Be my Valentine’ to staff to be taken behind a screen so that the hidden ring is not revealed. The spirit of St. Valentine’s Day is not yet dead - at least in Manchester Airport!

Happy St. Valentine’s Day To You All!
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Keep The Secrets Secret

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The Court of Appeal ordered the disclosure of evidence that showed that MI5 knew about the mistreatment by the CIA of a former Guantánamo Bay detainee, a UK resident who chose to wander around areas of the world which wiser folk might have avoided.

This then led to cries that the Secret Service orchestrated a ‘cover-up’ which, in turn, led to vehement denials by the Home Secretary and the Head of MI5.

Britain is still, thank heavens, a free and democratic country and there are far too many people who try to interfere with and upset that. MI5 and other intelligence departments exist to protect the people of this country and do so very often under difficult constraints and circumstances.

Of course, they must operate within the law and that was made clear by the Head of MI5 when he said yesterday: ‘People who choose to work in the service do so because they want to protect the UK and its liberties. We are an accountable public organisation and take our legal and oversight responsibilities seriously.’

Now I am no advocate for torture; in fact, quite the opposite.

But I am an advocate for keeping secrets secret, especially when it comes to terrorism, and I think I tend to agree with the view that some human rights lawyers and other activists help the cause of extremism in this country.
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Save The Sign!

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Atop the Hollywood Hills in Los Angeles is the iconic ‘Hollywood’ sign unveiled in 1923 (originally spelt ‘Hollywoodland’), a landmark which is recognised instantly worldwide.

It is a sign I saw every morning for a few years as I drove the length of Santa Monica Boulevard from my apartment in Marina del Rey to my office in Century City. It reminded me that I was working in one of the most exciting cities in the world.

Alas, the sign is under threat from ‘mega-mansions’ being built on the ridge above it, though a nature conservation group is hoping to raise a little over $5 million to buy the land and so protect it from development. If they are successful, the sign will be protected from the confusion of having buildings erected above it.

The view I enjoyed for a few years will shortly disappear for five days when it will be covered up and replaced by a sign which says ‘Save The Peak’ to remind people that the backdrop is ‘part of the iconic nature of the sign’.

What a good idea!
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And Answer Came There None!

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I’ve said before that Prime Minister’s Question Time is a waste of time and effort, for it seems to me to be either a slanging match between the the leaders of the major parties or else a sycophantic pat on the back to the governing party by one of their own MPs.

What does surprise me is that there seems to be no Commons rule under which someone asking a question can insist on it being properly answered rather than drawing forth invective unrelated to the question asked.

Thus yesterday we heard David Cameron ask the Prime Minister three times whether the government would rule out a compulsory inheritance levy to pay for its plans to provide free personal care for the most vulnerable people in England. Cameron pointed out that one option in the government’s Green Paper was for a ‘£20,000 levy on every single elderly person in this country except the very poorest’ and repeatedly urged Mr Brown to rule out a levy.

It was a fair question since more than seventy councillors responsible for social care provision in England in a letter to The Times called the plan ill-conceived, suggested it had major weaknesses and would mean cuts to services. But he didn’t get an answer.

Personal care for the vulnerable and elderly is a subject I’m interested in. I am, after all, now fully qualified as an ‘old geezer’ and would like to know if I am going to have to pay for the so-called free treatment.

But, as in the case of the question posed by the Carpenter to the Oysters, answer came there none.
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Something To Be Applauded

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One of the most worrying aspects of modern life is the apparent increase in the number of paedophilia cases reported. We seem to hear of them almost every day.

Paedophilia has undoubtedly spread in proportion to the increased accessibility of the internet, and I for one am very careful about what I put into a search engine in case I access something nasty by mistake.

Most of us can think of youngsters we know and the expert but innocent way they use their laptops, mobile phones and digital cameras. Indeed, research from Ofcom published last autumn showed that 80% of five to seven-year-olds use the internet and that among nine to 11-year olds, 94% do so.

So a new children’s safety campaign run by the UK Council for Child Internet Safety is to be applauded. The campaign uses cartoons to show children as young as five that people they might meet on the internet are not always what they seem.

The internet is a great thing, but it is both sad and inevitable that it will be used by predators for the sort of things that disgust and which few of us can understand or tolerate.
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No Skirts!

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A Northampton man has appeared in court charged with breaching an ASBO three times.

The man, who was released on bail pending a further hearing, was accused of breaching a 2008 order which prohibits him from dressing up as a schoolgirl, from wearing a skirt between 0830 and 1000 and between 1445 and 1600 on school days or from showing bare legs and behaving in a manner which causes or is likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to others.

That’ll be an interesting hearing when it comes up!
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Just One

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A one-armed man is being sought by police on suspicion of stealing a single cufflink worth £120 from a jewellers shop in an Essex town.

Obviously, he wouldn’t have needed the pair!
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Too Much Politicking - And In Advance!

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Among many others, one thing that annoys me is the habit these days of politicians and government ministers shipping out in advance the text of the speeches they are going to give next day. If the public has the text of a speech a day in advance, there seems little point in any of these people actually bothering to deliver their speeches.

One such case was yesterday when the text of Gordon Brown’s speech to the King’s Fund about cancer care was published. And this morning, David Cameron’s PR people have publicised a speech he intends to give on those trying to avoid prosecution by claiming parliamentary privilege along with his intention to introduce a new law to cover the point.

This last seems to me to be unnecessary politicking for the sake of it and that is another of my pet hates.

Gordon Brown has made it quite clear that no-one is above the law, and his deputy has stated unequivocally that she is ‘completely satisfied’ that parliamentary privilege does not apply to cases such as theft or fraud. That ought to satisfy the most strident of voices but not it seems in David Cameron’s case.

I regret (almost) having to say that yet again I agree with Nick Clegg who, it is reported, will say: ‘Listening to the two of them anyone would think they were powerless backbenchers rather than the leaders of the two parties in Parliament which have proved to be the real roadblocks to reform. ... If they genuinely want political change, it is in their power to deliver it. So I challenge them to cut out the speeches and the rhetoric and get on with the job.’

He’s right again. On the other hand, this little speech was publicised in advance of him actually delivering it!
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‘Vindaloo Against Violence’

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After a series of assaults on young Indians in Melbourne and Sydney, someone has come up with a bright idea to help heal relations which have even soured diplomatic relations between Canberra and Delhi.

24 February is going to be the ‘Vindaloo Against Violence’ day of action on which Australians are being urged to dine out at Indian restaurants in a show of solidarity.

What a great idea though, for those eating the ferocious Vindaloo curry, I expect 25 February is going to be a very quiet day!
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Cancer Care

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In a speech to the King's Fund charitable foundation later today, Gordon Brown is said to be going to announce that Labour plans to provide free, one-to-one home care for every cancer patient in England within the next five years if Labour wins the next election.

It is said that this will save over £2.5 billion a year by reducing hospital admissions, and will give patients the opportunity of receiving chemotherapy, dialysis and palliative care without travelling to hospital.

Cancer Research UK report that there are around 300,000 new cases of cancer, excluding non-melanoma skin cancer, diagnosed every year in the UK and that more than one in three people will develop some form of cancer in their lifetime. That’s a lot of cancer.

It is a subject close to my heart for I am a cancer sufferer though, for the moment at any rate, my tumour is fortunately dormant. As it happens, I have no complaints about the NHS treatment I have received. In fact, I have nothing but praise for the doctors and other staff who have dealt with me at University College Hospital in London.

But, on behalf of all cancer sufferers in the UK, I do hope that the pledge to be made by Mr Brown is not just another cynical election promise. And why didn’t he think of this a decade ago?
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Outraged? You Bet!

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The media tell us that the leaders of our political parties fear public outrage over the news that the three MPs and one peer charged under the Theft Act yesterday over their expense claims may attempt to claim parliamentary privilege.

The media are darned, tooting right! Is there to be one law for us ordinary folk and another for the privileged folk in the two Houses?

Various politicians have urged those facing charges not to use parliamentary privilege to try to avoid court proceedings. This elite-club approach won’t do at all in my view. Either a judge or Parliament has to put these gentlemen right and get on with trials that will prove either their guilt or innocence.

The Liberal Democrat shadow leader of the House has made the most sensible proposal. ‘If there is any question about whether parliamentary privilege gives protection against prosecution for fraud, then Parliament should make it very clear by passing a resolution to say that it does not.’

He, of course, is right and Parliament should show some muscle for once and pass such a motion.
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The Coptic Monastery of St. Anthony

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The Egyptian government has just finished the restoration of the 4th century Coptic Monastery of St. Anthony in the Red Sea Mountains which is reputedly the world's oldest Christian monastery. Indeed, the monks still observe rituals that have hardly changed in sixteen centuries.

Announcing the completion of the £9 million work which took eight years, Egypt’s head archaeologist, Zahi Hawass, confirmed that Egypt was keen to restore the monuments of its past, whether Coptic, Jewish or Muslim.

Born near Herakleopolis Magna in Lower Egypt in 251 AD to wealthy landowner parents, St. Anthony the Great was orphaned at the age of 18 and became a hermit, living to be 105 years old. The saint is buried beneath one of the monastery’s two churches which are a site for Coptic Christian pilgrimages.

As one who has visited Egypt and some of its historical monuments though, sadly, not this one, it is good to hear of such projects which, regardless of religious differences, are nonetheless part of Egypt’s heritage.
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Good Grief!

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The former mayor of Preesal, a village in Lancashire, has been jailed for two years after admitting three counts of breaking into women’s homes and stealing their underwear.

He was caught because one woman had the foresight to install a hidden camera which caught him in the act. Police searched the man’s home and found stolen underwear, some of which was marked with the women's names.

Two years in jail is a severe price to pay for acquiring ladies underwear. Why didn’t he just go to Marks & Spencers like everyone else?
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‘This Rotten Parliament!’

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In 1648 Edward Sexby in expressing the mood of the ordinary people of Britain complained about the King and his ‘rotten Parliament’. The mood of the ordinary people, or more properly that of Oliver Cromwell and his associates, ultimately led to the execution of Charles I and to a new Parliamentary system.

362 years later the Leader of the Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg, used exactly the same words when referring to the debacle of MPs expenses. He got that right!

Look at the newspapers today. We learn that over half of our MPs have been ordered to repay £1.1 million following Sir Thomas Legg’s review of their expense claims for the last five years. This morning, the Director of Public Prosecutions has announced that the Crown Prosecution Service will charge three MPs and one peer under the Theft Act.

This has been a Rotten Parliament. Not only for taking us into a needless war with Iraq, for allowing taxation to reach new levels, for allowing bankers to overreach themselves and so put the economy at risk and for ... the list is endless.

But above all, many of the MPs in this Rotten Parliament have shown that they have milked a ‘flawed’ expense system for all it is worth and, even now, they complain they have been unfairly treated. Those charged this morning have also raised the question as to whether they are covered by Parliamentary Privilege!

Some of the amounts to be repaid are trivial, like .35p for a cup of Horlicks claimed by a Tory MP. Other amounts are staggering, such as £42,458 to be repaid by a junior minister or the married couple of Tory MPs who managed to milk the system for £60,000.

It was the Daily Telegraph that first uncovered the scandal of MPs expenses and, despite objections from the then Speaker and Government seniors, it persisted. It was right to do so for if we cannot have trust in our MPs personal behaviour we cannot trust them for anything else.

MPs are meant to represent what Edward Sexby referred to as the ‘ordinary people of Britain’. It is to be hoped that those elected to the next Parliament will show that they can do so.

The words of Oliver Cromwell all those years ago when addressing the Long Parliament ring as true today as it did then.

‘Begone, you have sat here too long. It is time to give way to honester men!’
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If Only!

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The good people of the village of Newsham in Yorkshire are being terrorised by what has been described as a ‘crackpot’ pheasant.

Reports say that the rogue pheasant, which no-one has yet been able to catch, waits patiently in the bushes before jumping out and attacking people, dogs and cars. One resident has said that she was scared to go out.

If only a potty pheasant were all that they, and we, had to worry about these days!
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Naughty, Naughty!

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I wrote earlier of the unhappy Australian banker who was filmed live on television looking at naughty pictures on his computer while a colleague was giving an interview.

Naughty pictures on computers don’t only affect Australians, for a senior man in Welsh local government has resigned following an internal investigation after ‘inappropriate material’ was discovered on his work laptop computer.

Since this chap held down a job that paid £170,000 a year, this was a heavy price to pay, though you’d have thought that with a salary of this size the only things on his laptop would have been spreadsheets.

And, in case you are wondering, I don’t have any naughty pictures on my computer - that is if you discount those of MPs caught with their fingers in the till!
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And Now For Something Completely Different!

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To escape the dull Iraq Inquiry, Prime Minister’s Question Time in which he never answers a question, MPs expenses, etc., etc., I searched for something to lift the mood.

I found it with the story of the Australian banker who, while a colleague was being interviewed on television, was seen in the background to be looking at half-naked women on his computer screen until he realised with a shock that he was being filmed.

The man in question has reportedly been meeting executives to determine his future, while the bank has emailed all 11,500 staff around the world telling them to familiarise themselves with its internet policy.

Footage of the man’s stupidity has become a hit on the internet and probably in the process given the bank some good publicity.

The chances are though that anyone watching this particular interview was more likely to have been focused on what was going on in the background rather than what was actually being said by the man being interviewed!
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Short Not Short On Honesty

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The Iraq War Inquiry trundles on and, since the panel has no barristers on it, the questioning is hardly likely to be forensic as witness the masterful and anodyne way in which ‘Teflon’ Blair dealt with it last week.

However, now and again a light switches on to uncover the mist swirling around some of the things that have been said so far. One such example was the evidence given by the Head of the Armed Forces on Monday. Another occurred yesterday when Clare Short, the former International Development Secretary, delivered a blistering attack on Blair and shed light on some of the events leading up to the war.

Ms Short made it clear that, in her view, the Attorney General had been leant on to agree the war with Iraq was legal and that he had misled the Cabinet over this. She confirmed what many of us had already thought, that the Cabinet had not been a decision-making body. The Inquiry was also told that Blair’s evidence to it was ‘historically inaccurate’ and that ‘We could have gone more slowly and carefully and not have had a totally destabilised and angry Iraq.’

Ms Short, who quit the government two months after the war commenced, said much else and after a three hour session was given a round of applause.

By jingo, Ms Short doesn’t mince her words and you have to applaud her for it for she not only livened up yesterday’s session of the Inquiry and, maybe, introduced some honesty into proceedings which at times seem more like a discussion in a gentlemen’s club.
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Lessons Learned? Not!

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The Crimean War of 1853/56, one undertaken in some haste, was the first in which a war correspondent, William Howard Russell, was able to send regular despatches back home. His reports to the Times showed up the ineptitude of some of those in command of the troops and drew attention also to the army’s shortage of equipment and clothing and the lack of proper medical attention for those who had been wounded or taken ill.

Those events took place 160 years ago and one would have thought that all the lessons had been learned from it and subsequent wars, not only by those in command of the troops but, more importantly these days, by the politicians directing them.

Not so, for yesterday we had the Head of the Armed Forces tell the Iraq War Inquiry that ministers were warned of the serious risks involved because the military would not have all the equipment it would need to invade Iraq. He told the Inquiry that defence chiefs ‘simply didn't have enough time’ to source everything they wanted, and cited the shortage of body armour, desert combats and boots.

And, as we now know, British soldiers died as a result!
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Cheers!

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Under a Freedom of Information Act request by BBC Scotland, Strathclyde Police have disclosed that Buckfast Tonic Wine was mentioned in 5,638 crime reports from 2006 to 2009.

The fortified tonic is made from imported wine by the Benedictine monks of Buckfast Abbey in Devon who feel that it is hard to see how their wine could be ‘held responsible for all the social ills’ of Strathclyde.

One Scottish MEP has called on the European Union to ban Buckfast wine and other drinks that combine alcohol and caffeine. Against this, I think the local MEP has got it right when he says, ‘Do people honestly think that if Buckfast wine is banned, hooligans will start drinking tea?’

It’s a great story and one which must have produced the best publicity ever for the monk’s tonic wine. Drinkers all over the country will be queuing at their off-licenses to get it.
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'Super Injunctions'

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Until last week I and the majority of the nation had no idea that there existed something called the ‘super injunction’ which not only prevented the media from mentioning a particular matter but even the existence of the injunction itself.

The latest case was bought on behalf of a footballer to prevent publication of his misdemeanours with the girlfriend of a team-mate. The temporary injunction was lifted by a High Court judge because, ‘the nub of the applicant’s complaint is to protect his reputation, in particular with sponsors’.

Super injunctions are seen as the courts bringing in a privacy law by the back door and, in this case, the judge wisely decided that freedom of speech should take precedence over privacy.

A commentator on television this morning mentioned that there may be as many as two hundred of these super injunctions in force at the moment, and one wonders what sort of matters they cover or whether more of them are as as trivial as the one lifted last week.
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The Wrong Archbishop?

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It is reported that the Lord Chamberlain, the Queen’s senior adviser, met recently with the Archbishop of Westminster to express concern over the Pope’s offer that disaffected Anglicans could convert to Rome.

The Archbishop apparently told the Lord Chamberlain that the Pope’s offer had not been intended as a hostile act or to in any way destabilise the Church of England. I’m not entirely sure what that means in real money, but the liberalisation of the Anglican Church in recent years has caused much disquiet and disaffection.

I’m wondering if a conversation between the Lord Chamberlain and the Archbishop of Canterbury might have been more fruitful?
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