Daddy’s A Mummy?

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Now and again tales of the weird and wonderful overtake the daily round of news stories about the economy and other such things that regularly make you sigh. So it makes a nice change to find a story that makes you wonder at the ingenuity and incredulity of some folk.

Take the example of Tokyo’s oldest man, Mr Kato. Local welfare officials decided to honour him with a cake on his 115th birthday and pitched up with it at his address in Adachi ward. Overruling his granddaughter who said that he didn’t want to see anybody, they entered the house and found that Mr Kato was a mummified corpse laying in bed, dressed in his pyjamas and covered with a blanket.

According to his family Mr Kato, ‘confined himself in his room more than thirty years ago and became a living Buddha’. Being dead, Mr Kato was, of course, unable to explain how he had managed to spend 9.5 million yen (£70,000) in widower's pension payments after his wife died six years ago.

Doubtless, at some point in the future a whole range of officials will be called to account for why benefits were paid to a dead man for so long without any of them paying a courtesy call on him!

Especially on his 100th birthday!
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Another Shipwreck Found

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Forty years ago I edited a collection of letters written by a man who in 1858 was sent ‘Out East’ to work. He was related to, and bore one of the names of, Sir John Franklin, the explorer whose 1847 expedition to find the Northwest Passage, linking the Atlantic to the Pacific through the Arctic archipelago, disappeared without trace. The lost expedition was the subject of dozens of search attempts for many years afterwards and for a while achieved much publicity in the newspapers.

Franklin and the searches that followed his disappearance, as well as the clues that came to light years afterwards, have interested me ever since.

In 1845 Sir John Franklin was given command of HMS Terror which was accompanied by HMS Erebus commanded by Captain James Fitzroy. Provided with plenty of equipment and three years’ worth of food supplies (some of which was preserved in tins, sloppily soldered, allowing lead to leach into the crew’s food), the expedition set off on 19 May with a total complement of 24 officers and 110 men, reduced to 115 men after five were discharged during a stop in Greenland.

On 26 July the two ships were seen by a whaler in Lancaster Sound, after which they were never seen again. It is believed that the ships became trapped in ice off King William Sound in September 1846 and sank. According to a note found there, Franklin died on 11 June 1847, though his grave has never been discovered.

After two years without word from the expedition, Lady Franklin pressured the Admiralty to send out a search party and a £20,000 reward was eventually offered to anyone finding the expedition. It is said that at one point ten British and two American ships were looking for it, and some were lost in the attempt. In 1850 three British ships and one American ship converged off Beechy Island where the first relics of Franklin's expedition were found, including the graves of three of its seamen.

In 1854 Inuit hunters told a Scottish explorer, Dr. John Rae, that both ships had become icebound. The men had tried to walk to safety but succumbed to cold, and some had even resorted to cannibalism. In the 1980s toxicological tests on the Beechy Island bodies showed that they had most probably died of pneumonia and perhaps also tuberculosis. Lead poisoning may well have been a factor. Blade-cut marks on the bones of some of the crew found on King William Island confirmed that some had indeed resorted to cannibalism.

In 1850 the Admiralty commissioned another attempt and gave the command to Captain Robert John Le Mesurier McClure who had been involved in the first search expedition. He was given HMS Investigator which, with a crew of 66, sailed south in the Atlantic, rounded Cape Horn and then north through the Pacific by way of the Bering Strait to join another British expedition from the northwest, thus becoming the first to circumnavigate the Americas and to transit the Northwest Passage. After two winters in which his ship was icebound, McClure and his men abandoned the ship and, after a journey over the ice by sledge, were rescued by HMS Resolute.

Now, 150 years after it was abandoned, HMS Investigator has been found sitting upright on the sea bottom in 36 feet of freezing water off Bank’s Island in the Canadian Northwest Territories.

Canadian archaeologists have taken sonar images of the ship and hope to take more this week. They hope also to use a robot, equipped with cameras, to learn more about the ship and its condition. One of the archaeologists has said that the discovery of the ship and some artefacts found on shore are an ‘incredibly rich treasure trove.’

Yet another exciting maritime discovery, and further details will interest many people around the world. It would be even more spectacular if marine archaeologists could locate the wreck of Sir John Franklin’s ship, HMS Terror.
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Can It Be Found?

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One of China’s greatest heroes is the 15th-century mariner and explorer, Admiral Zheng He. Born into a high-ranking Mongol family he was taken captive as a boy by a conquering Ming army and made a eunuch. Sent to the Imperial Court, he rose in the ranks and eventually became a highly-valued adviser to two Emperors.

Between 1405 and 1433, Zheng He led seven naval expeditions which ventured far into the Indian Ocean basin, visiting Arabia, Brunei, East Africa, India, Siam and possibly other countries in an effort to increase recognition and trade for Ming rule. He took with him gifts of gold, silver, porcelain and silk and brought back with him ostriches, zebras, camels, giraffes and ivory. During the last expedition Zheng He died and was buried at sea.

In 2002 Gavin Menzies published a convincing argument that Zheng He had visited the Americas ahead of their discovery by Columbus in 1492 and that his fleet circumnavigated the world a century before Magellan’s circumnavigation between 1519 and 1522. In his book, ‘1421: The Year China Discovered the World’, Menzies describes in detail the expeditions and the many ships and men that were involved in them.

Much interest was centred on Zheng He and his expeditions in 2005, the 600th anniversary of the Admiral’s first expedition, and details of his exploits and of the fleets he commanded became more generally known. The principal ships, for example, were said to be huge; 416 feet long and 170 feet wide and with nine masts and four decks divided by bulkheads into various spaces. There were 62 of them accompanied by 190 smaller ships carrying horses, water tankers, troop transports, warships and patrol boats and various smaller supply ships. There was said to be a total complement of nearly 28,000 men.

The exploits of Zheng He have come to the fore once again by the announcement that Chinese and Kenyan archaeologists are about to start searching for the remains of one of his ships which is believed to have sunk off Lamu Island and Malindi.

Eleven experts will excavate land sites, in which Chinese porcelain has been found, ahead of a team of maritime experts who will arrive next month. If the remains of a ship can be found, then experts hope that it will reveal more about Ming ship design and engineering which are known to be far ahead of anything else at that time.

I for one will await developments with much interest.
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Imitation?

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Austrian scientists report that dogs imitate the body movements of their owners and that this is evident in many other animals as well. Apparently, this is not a spontaneous thing but something learned from observation.

Ollie spends hours watching me tapping away on the computer but so far has shown no inclination to do so himself.

But you never know!
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Doomed!

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Scientists in the Universidad de Valladolid in Spain have calculated that a massive asteroid, called 1999 RQ36, has a 1-in-1000 chance of striking the Earth on 24 September 2182.

It seems that this asteroid is one of the Potentially Hazardous Asteroids group, which all have the possibility of hitting the Earth due to their orbits and are all considered likely to cause damage. At the moment, the one causing concern is hiding behind the Sun and will not be visible until the spring of next year.

As Private Frazer would say: ‘We’re doomed! Doomed!’
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Timeless

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It is well-known to my chums that I much enjoy the 10th-century Gregorian liturgical chant. Indeed, for some years I was part of a small group that toured Essex churches to sing the old timeless Offices. So the latest news from Decca Records is an exciting one for me - though I acknowledge that others may disagree.

Hoping to repeat their success with the album of the Cistercian Monks of Stift Heiligenkreuz, whose 2008 Music For Paradise disc sold more than one million copies, Decca went searching for some singing nuns.

They eventually found the reclusive order of the Benedictine Nuns of the Abbaye de Notre-Dame de l'Annonciation near Avignon in France who were deemed to have the finest Gregorian chant singers. A deal was signed, and in November their new disc, Chant From Avignon, will be released.

From the sample of their chanting I’ve heard so far, they will have a resounding success. I can hardly wait!
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Still Relevant

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I have just finished reading Natasha Solomons’ first novel, ‘Mr Rosenblum’s List’ about a German Jewish couple given refuge in Britain in 1937 and Mr Rosenblum’s efforts to become ‘English’.

At the back of this very enjoyable book are excerpts from a pamphlet issued by the wartime government to refugees. Sections of it are as relevant today as it was all those years ago. I make no comment on them but a few excerpts are included below:

“The traditional tolerance and sympathy of Britain and the British Commonwealth towards the Jews is something which every British Jew appreciates profoundly. On his part he does all in his power to express his loyalty to Britain and the British Commonwealth, in word and in deed, by personal service and communal effort.

This loyalty comes first and foremost, and every Refugee should realise how deeply it is felt.

All that we ask from you in return is to carry out to your utmost the following lines of conduct. Regard them, please, as duties to which you are in honour bound.

1 Spend your time immediately in learning the English language and its correct pronunciation.

3 Do not criticise any Government regulations, nor the way things are done over here. Do not speak of “how much better this or that is done in Germany”. It may be true in some matters, but it weighs as nothing against the sympathy and freedom and liberty of England which are now given to you. Never forget that point.

4 Do not join any Political organisation, or take part in any political activities.

5 Do not make yourself conspicuous by speaking loudly, nor by your manner or dress. The Englishman greatly dislikes ostentation, loudness of dress or manner, or unconventionality of dress or manner.

6 Try to observe and follow his manners and customs and habits of this country, in social and business relations.

Use your energies and your special skills to help those even more unhappy than yourself - the lonely Refugee Children, the Aged and the Sick, in your neighbourhood.

Be loyal to England, your host.”
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Enjoy!

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Fellow enthusiasts of the esoteric might like to know that today is the feast of the Seven Holy Sleepers of Ephesus. I hear you saying, ‘Who are the Seven Holy Sleepers of Ephesus?’ Well, I’ll tell you.

The saints are Maximianus, Malchus, Martinianus, Dionysius, Joannes, Serapion and Constantinus. Legend has it that, accused of being Christians during the persecutions of the pagan Roman emperor Decius in around 250 AD, they were given time to recant their faith. They gave their worldly goods away to the poor and retired to a cave to pray and prepare for death and fell asleep. Upon their discovery, the emperor ordered the cave entrance to be sealed up. Thus condemned to die, the seven were regarded as martyrs.

By the time of Theodosius II (408-450) Christianity had become the major religion in the Roman Empire and, at some point in his reign, the landowner, Adolios, opened the cave with the idea of using it as a cattle pen. To his surprise he found the seven sleeping men who woke up believing that they had slept for only one day. Theodosius himself was called to see the seven resurrected men who later died praising God.

As the miracle became known, pilgrims were attracted to an early Christian catacomb near Ephesus which became known as the Grotto of the Seven Sleepers. During the Crusades bones thought to be relics of the Seven were taken to France and housed in the church of Saint Victoire in Marseilles. Inscriptions dedicated to the Seven Sleepers in the 5th and 6th centuries were discovered in the 1920s during an archaeological dig in the area.

We must take the legend at face value. However, over the years there have been a variety of stories from around the world involving miraculously long sleeps. Some of these myths have become woven into fiction and Washington Irving’s tale of Rip Van Winkle is just one example.

Enjoy the Feast of the Seven Holy Sleepers of Ephesus!
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How Right He Is!

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In a newspaper interview Gordon Brown has said that there is life after Number Ten.

Yes, we’ve all discovered that!
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The Isle of Muck

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I’ve never visited the privately-owned Isle of Muck, one of the smallest islands of the Inner Hebrides, but it sounds absolutely idyllic. It has only just come to my attention and I wish I’d known more about it years ago for I’d like to have spent some time on it and enjoyed its apparent tranquility

Muck, which along with its neighbours Eigg, Rum and Canna form the Small Isles, has a population of 38 and a single road of just 1.5 miles long. There is no mains electricity, though the islanders are served by wind power, backed up by an emergency generator.

There is a variety of accommodation available including, of all things, a yurt. The islanders grow their own lamb and beef, breed highland ponies and, among other things, make rugs, felt and baskets. There is shooting and mackerel fishing and, for those who just like looking or pointing a camera, forty species of birds along with Grey Atlantic and Common seals and porpoises. Minke whales and basking sharks are also seen in the summer months. With a history stretching back to the Mesolithic, Muck would seem an interesting place to visit and stay awhile. The island is served by ferry but visitors may not bring their cars ashore with them.

So why has this idyllic Isle of Mull come to my attention?

It is simply because the health and safety police have been at it again and ordered the islanders to stop drinking the natural spring water they have been drinking since time immemorial. They have been told that they must now import expensive mineral water from the mainland even though no-one has become ill from drinking the natural stuff drawn from the island’s eight springs and which, apparently, failed the last water sampling. To add insult to injury, the Scottish Executive have said that the islanders can apply for a grant of £15,200 to install ultraviolet bacterial cleaning systems.

Strewth! Wouldn’t you have thought that, in the circumstances and for the small sum of money involved, they’d have just given the wretched things away?
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A Tragedy Remembered

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This was the day, a Wednesday, in 1956 that the westbound luxury Italian Line vessel Andrea Doria capsized and sank after a collision with the eastbound Swedish American liner Stockholm. Forty-six people on the Italian ship and five on the Swedish ship were killed in the incident.

The collision occurred at night just off the coast of Nantucket when the Andrea Doria was coming out of a fog bank. Despite working radar and lookouts, the officers on both ships failed take sufficient action in enough time to avoid a collision.

Struck in the side by Stockholm’s bows, Andrea Doria took an immediate twenty-degree list to starboard and those on board took to the boats and liferafts. 1,660 passengers and crew were recovered in the rescue effort that then took place.

Andrea Doria finally capsized and sank next morning. Initially, the blame fell on the Italian ship and the arguments about it were never satisfied since both companies made an out-of-court settlement. Recent investigations, however, show that a misreading of radar on the Swedish ship may have initiated the collision course, leading to some errors on both ships and the resultant disaster.

At the time, the story made headlines around the world as the stricken ship was within easy reach of aircraft from New York carrying photographers and reporters. Newspapers were subsequently filled not only with the survivors’ stories but of the hearings that then took place to try to discover what had gone wrong.

Perhaps the most startling story was that of the amazing escape of a 14-year-old girl who was asleep in her bed in Andrea Doria when the collision occurred and who was catapulted out of her shattered cabin onto the bows of the Stockholm.

The collision sealed the fate of the Andrea Doria but Stockholm still sails the seas to this day after a number of change of owners, names (eight in all), refits and refurbishments. In 2006 she was acquired by a Lisbon-based company, renamed Athena and has since become a very popular cruise ship.

Despite being known as the ‘Death Ship’ for some time, Stockholm has nonetheless had a remarkable career considering that she was built in 1948.
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Quite Right!

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Unemployed for two years, a 23-year-old Stoke-on-Trent man stood on one of the busiest roundabouts in the area during the morning rush hour holding a large sign which said ‘Please!!! Give me a job’.

One day,’ he said. ‘I decided to make a fresh start and get my life back on track.’ His plan to get into work and out of benefits paid off when, after three hours of standing in the pouring rain, a timber factory director picked him up, interviewed him and gave him a job.

‘I wish more people could show the same kind of determination to find work as he did,’ said the man who employed him.

Quite Right!
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Animal Intelligence

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We humans tend to underestimate the intelligence of animals.

Take little Mickey, our Yorkshire terrier, for example; he seems to know when it is a quarter to five in the evening, give or take five minutes. That is the time when my wife gives him his supper of freshly cooked chicken. How he manages this trick is a complete mystery to us. Our Jack Russell, Ollie, however, has the patience of Job for he knows that the chicken will appear just as soon as my wife has got fed up with Mickey’s wittering and produces the goods.

The intelligence of other animals is often reported in the newspapers and the latest concerns the baboons occupying a beauty spot on the Cape Peninsula in Cape Town which overlooks the Atlantic Ocean.

These animals have learned that when folk lock their cars when they get out to take photographs, there is no point in trying to gain access to any goodies inside. The trick is that they listen out for the sound of a car’s remote central locking system engaging. On the other hand, if they don’t hear the sound of the locks engaging, then in they go to grab any food that might be inside. Clever animals.

But, of course, none of this helps to explain how Mickey can tell the time!
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Rich, But Sometimes Odd

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The English language is a rich one though, sometimes, the way we use words and phrases must be confusing to foreigners trying to understand some of its idiomatic phrases.

So, for example, one such phrase was used this morning in the Old Bailey when one of the killers of James Bulger pleaded guilty to charges involving child pornography.

He had been released in 2001 under certain conditions but was arrested earlier this year when, in the official language, he was recalled to prison.

'Recalled to prison.' To a foreigner this may imply that the man was invited to return to prison. In fact, it was a very genteel way of describing the arrival of a number of heavy-booted coppers!
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If It ‘Ain’t Broke ...

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I frequently check the BBC News website to get a snapshot of what is going on in the world. But this has been made more difficult after the whole thing was redesigned in such as way that the BBC has been receiving complaints that it is ‘chaotic’, a view with which I have to agree.

The BBC News Website Editor recently wrote in his blog, ‘Most of you commenting ... on the Editors blog have been critical, with many urging us to change the design back to the way it was’. That, I would have thought would have told you something.

But, of course, once someone’s made a decision very often they stubbornly stick to it regardless of the criticism. So it is no surprise that the editor then goes on to say that going back to the old design ‘is not something we're considering’.

The man that sent him the following comment is absolutely spot on: ‘Why don’t you just stop thinking and put it back the way it was? You have just acknowledged that most of us are unhappy with what you have done, yet you persist with this debacle.’

Or, as another man wrote: ‘ ... if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!’
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It’s Worth A Try

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I don’t join in the criticism of David Cameron’s idea of setting up annual summer camps for 16-year-olds (clumsily called the National Citizen Scheme). His plan is that from next year all school leavers, whatever their backgrounds, will have the chance to attend a two-month camp and join in local community activities.

It seems to me that anything which will grab the attention of school leavers and possibly encourage them to go on to other things afterwards can only be a good thing.

For a while, I was involved in the youth justice system. As someone separate from what they perceived to represent ‘authority’, I interviewed hundreds of youngsters and was surprised that I was in many cases the first person to have taken an interest in them. Very few of them had opened up and discussed with anyone outside officialdom their likes and dislikes, their ambitions, their worries and the reasons why they happened to end up in the circumstances in which I found them. In most cases, this was a police cell.

Though there were a minority of youngsters that were probably well on the road to adult criminality and unlikely to be saved from this, the vast majority had ambitions which were thwarted by their personal circumstances, say by the current boyfriend of a separated mother, peer pressure (a very powerful force affecting youngsters), lack of education, lack of money, their petty criminal record and so on. These latter were a sorry lot and I was personally sad that there was no non-institutional way of helping them.

Not all youngsters are able to join organisations such as the Scouts, the Boys Brigade, cadet forces, and others like them. There may be many reasons for this; adverse peer pressure, lack of opportunity, different religious or ethnic backgrounds, etc., or maybe even rejection by the organisations themselves.

So anything which youngsters in general can see as an opportunity to join with their mates and do something for two months can only be positive. Summer camps are certainly worth the try and, who knows, the experience may change their attitudes and help them along the way to becoming useful members of society.
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A Warning?

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The Argentine has its own economic problems which have affected most of the country, but one recent incident may serve as a warning to those looking after Britain’s strapped economy.

Those in charge of the Unidad Prison in Neuquen Province are so strapped for cash, they use dummies to man thirteen of its fifteen guard towers. They saved money by placing footballs with prison officers’ caps on them to fool the prisoners into thinking that all the guard towers were manned.

But the strategy failed when two prisoners, both serving sentences for armed robbery, noticed that the ‘guards’ were motionless and took the opportunity of climbing the perimeter fence and doing a runner. Since the security cameras failed months ago, their escape was not spotted in time.

The report doesn’t say if the prison governor is missing also.
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I Wonder ...

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I’ve never had the opportunity to visit the Korean Demilitarised Zone (the DMZ), the world's most heavily fortified border set up by the UN in 1953, which I would have thought is very interesting.

Quite apart from the posturing of the South and North Korean border guards, there are regular tours of the buildings in Panmunjeom, home of the Joint Security Area, where the so-called Peace Talks are regularly held with little result. As I understand it, both sides take turns to guard these buildings and both organise tours when it is their turn.

Hilary Clinton, the US Secretary of State, visited the DMZ recently as new sanctions were announced against North Korea. Doubtless, her visit would have been intensely scrutinised and observed by North Korean guards and officials. Doubtless also, her visit would have been very interesting.

I wonder what would have happened if Hilary had attempted to cross the border saying, ‘Come on, chaps! Let’s start talking again!’

You never know. Someone might have responded and invited her in for a cuppa. But a bullet is more likely!
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Lucky Me

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Thirty people, including four crew members, were injured when a United Airlines plane heading for Los Angeles from Dulles hit severe turbulence and was diverted to Denver so that the injured could be treated. As the injuries, none critically with one exception, were to the head, neck or back one assumes that they involved people who were not belted-up in their seats. It must have been a frightening experience.

I have to say that my flying career of around forty years was mainly uneventful, though there was one of my colleagues who was so jinxed by the things that happened to his flights that others refused to fly with him.

Of course, there were plenty of flight delays and cancellations which I soon learned to take in my stride, and I can recall only two real incidents involving me.

The first was when the plane I was on was taking off from Auckland and an engine fell off. The flight was aborted in time and no harm came to any of us except for the shock of having the engines reversed and the plane’s front wheel carriage coming back down to earth with a loud bang. One benefit of this was that the flight was delayed by a day which gave me the chance to further explore a bit of Auckland. When I returned to the airport next day, I was surprised at the number of people who were bitching about the 24-hour delay and some had even kipped down in the airport terminal rather than venture out of it. Few seemed to believe that, perhaps, we had had a lucky escape in that the engine fell off before the flight had actually left the ground.

The second incident occurred when I was flying to Genoa from, if I remember correctly, Zurich. A drink and a meal had been served when, without any warning, the plane dropped in the sky and landed a few hundred feet lower down with a tremendous bang on Lord knows what. The pilot came on the horn and told us - as if we couldn’t have guessed - that we had hit severe air turbulence and that, while the plane was quite OK and undamaged, the hostesses were going through the plane checking to see if anyone had been injured. I can’t recall that anyone had been injured for at the time we were all buckled up. However, one good thing came out of this frightening experience - we all received a free drink!

Thank heavens I don’t have to fly anymore!
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Appropriate

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It has been announced that the makers of Cillit Bang are to acquire the makers of Durex condoms.

It seems an appropriate acquisition!
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Safer?

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The idea of ray guns has been around for many years. In the days of my youth I used on Saturday mornings to watch the exciting movies in which Flash Gordon used ray guns in his fights against Ming the Merciless. Now, the era of the ray gun has drawn closer.

Scientists working for the US firm Raytheon have developed an antiaircraft laser which has just been unveiled at the Farnborough Air Show. Producing a 50 kilowatt beam, the solid state laser can be used so far against unmanned aerial vehicles, mortars and small surface ships, but more powerful lasers are in development.

Hmm. I’m not sure if the world is a safer place with technology of this sort or whether, in the wrong hands, it would achieve the opposite.

But then, what do I know about weapons systems other than what I learned from Flash Gordon and Dan Dare?
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Mother Nature

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I’m ignoring most of the dire stories current this morning for my attention has been drawn to the wonders of Nature. Yes, even the Old Goat can wonder at some of the things going on around him.

The best story is that of the tiny robin that has befriended retired university physicist, John Crabb, in Somerset and which will happily perch on his outstretched hand to pick up a morsel of food. Mr Crabb is an amateur photographer who set up a simple system to capture amazing shots of the bird landing on his hand. The robins are the friendliest of birds and I love it when our resident robin comes down into our garden, but how wonderful to have one feeding from your hand - and to be able to take photos of it doing so.

Then there is the tale of Sydney the snail which beat off 200 competitors to win the World Snail Racing Championships in Congham, Norfolk. Sydney took three minutes and 41 seconds to complete the course by racing from the centre of a circle to the outer rim thirteen inches away. Sydney’s owner, Claire Lawrence, was delighted to win a silver tankard filled with lettuce, though there are no recorded comments from Sydney himself who, I assume, is now resting after his exertions.

There is good news also on the butterfly front where Large Blue butterflies have been successfully bred in secret locations in the West Country. The butterflies were driven to extinction over thirty years ago and two conservationists bought eggs back from Sweden in the 80s and have successfully been breeding them ever since. In one site, 135,000 eggs, virtually invisible to the naked eye and smaller than a pinhead, were laid this year. The eggs are placed on heads of thyme, the cannibalistic caterpillars are then separated from each other and, after they have shed their skin for the fourth time, they drop off the thyme. The conservationists have developed a way of placing the caterpillars in new sites just as they drop off the plants where ants, attracted by their sweet scent, drag them into their nests where they become food for the caterpillars which ultimately turn into butterflies. Ultimately, the plan is to extend the range of these rare creatures further north but, for the present, they are only found in very specific locations in Somerset and Devon, including Collard Hill, which is a National Trust nature reserve and open to the public.

Finally, it is well-known that grazing animals give off enormous amounts of greenhouse gases. There are, for example, said to be around thirty million sheep in the UK, each producing around 20 litres of methane a day, and over ten million cows each producing around 500 litres of methane a day. Now scientists at Newcastle University have discovered that coriander and turmeric in their diets can reduce the amount of methane produced by up to forty percent. It is an interesting development. Maybe it’s possible that our beef and lamb will in time come ready curry-flavoured!

‘Ain’t Nature wonderful - even when it’s given a helping hand?
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I Think Not!

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I strongly disagree with the media circus over the use of restraint in secure youth institutions or the resultant hysteria that has arisen from the do-gooders that have little firsthand knowledge of what goes on in them.

Physical restraint is rarely used in either prisons or youth institutions and, when they are, there are reams of paper to fill in afterwards. Physical restraint can only be used against a prisoner or a youth in a secure establishment in such circumstances as when an officer or another person is at risk. Even when, say, an officer pushes a prisoner away from him, then that is regarded as restraint by the Prison Service and the paperwork has to be completed.

I have much respect and sympathy for prison officers and those working in other secure establishments. They are a disciplined force, generally well-trained and very aware of the various regulations and rules concerning their relationship with those they look after. They work in what can be very difficult circumstances and are often vulnerable to false complaints against them.

Bleating that now and again an officer has to use reasonable force against a thug - even one classified as a youth - threatening violence is an utter waste of breath. In these circumstances, what would one of these do-gooders suggest? Politely, ask the person threatening violence not to break his or arm?

I think not!
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Something To Look Forward To

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The Culture Secretary has suggested - no more than suggested - that the BBC licence fee might be cut as part of the government’s plans to reduce public spending. In a newspaper article, he accused the BBC of ‘extraordinary and outrageous’ waste in recent years.

The majority of the population would agree with what has been said but many might, perhaps, ask why we have to have a licence fee at all. Why cannot the BBC fund itself like the other channels in this day and age?

Not that many years ago, one BBC television programme would follow the other without interruption just as day follows night. Now every programme is separated from the next by an ‘advert’ either giving advance notice of another programme or, alternatively, some pointless graphics with music. If every programme has to be followed by two minutes of self-advertisement, then the Corporation may just as well go the whole hog and take on paid advertising.

The BBC is a monolith. Sections of it appear to believe it is an arm of the civil service. This person for one believes it is now time to do away with the licence fee altogether and let the BBC do what it has to do as an independent programme producer.

Perhaps, just perhaps, if the BBC had to function on its own resources, then we would see an end to many so-called stars being paid the sort of outrageous fees we hear about from time to time. Maybe also we would see an end to the type of expensive and pointless programmes such as Top Gear that must surely encourage fast and reckless driving.

The Culture Secretary has also said he intends to send in the big boys, the National Audit Office, to examine the BBC's accounts. That report will make interesting reading just in time before the next licence fee is scheduled to be reassessed in 2012.

That’ll be something to look forward to!
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Good News!

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Scientists in the States have genetically engineered a mosquito which will not allow the malaria parasite to develop in its gut.

The insects can still bite but won’t give you malaria.

‘Ain’t science wonderful?
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Sometime!

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As you read this, the UK-built solar-powered plane, Zephyr, is flying gracefully around the skies somewhere above Arizona.

Developed by Qinetiq, the unmanned plane with a wingspan of 22.5 metres has been in the air since last Friday and is scheduled to keep flying for another week on its proving flight. The plane’s solar cells operate its propellors during the day and top up its batteries so that it can continue flying at night. Unlike other aircraft, those like Zephyr can stay in the air at very high altitudes indefinitely as they don’t need refuelling.

There is much interest in this aircraft; the military have obvious uses for them and scientific and other bodies would like to use them for Earth observations.

What’s the betting that Haji-Ioannou, O’Leary or Branson will climb in the act sooner than later? Surely the idea of virtually cost-free aircraft operation will appeal to them!
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Groan!

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Yesterday was the feast of St. Swithin’s, the day on which, if the prophecy is correct, it will rain for another forty days if it rains today.

Well, in our part of the world it did rain. In shedloads; so we know now what to expect!

St Swithin, or more correctly St. Swithun, was a ninth-century Anglo-Saxon bishop of Winchester about which little is known. He apparently asked to be buried out of doors (‘Where it might be subject to the feet of passers-by and the raindrops pouring from on high’) and this wish was originally respected though he was later moved to a tomb within Winchester Cathedral which became a place of pilgrimage. Various miracles were ascribed to him, including one in which he is supposed to have restored a basket of eggs that had been maliciously broken. Part of the saint’s body still rests in Winchester Cathedral. Canterbury Cathedral is said to have his head and Peterborough Abbey one of his arms.

The legend about the rain is supposed to derive from the saint’s acute displeasure at having his body moved to a tomb within the Cathedral, though there are other theories that it derives from pagan auguries at the same time or that it is a function of the weather at this time of year.

Either way, the legend that if it rains on this day we will have rain for another forty days is fixed in our folklore -

St. Swithun’s Day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain.
St. Swithun’s Day if thou be fair
For forty days ‘twill rain no more.

And, judging from the cold, blustery winds that beset us yesterday and the amount of rain they brought with them, we are in for another forty days of the same.

It’s what we call an English summer!
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Junk!

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My first job of the day when reaching what I am pleased to call my office, is to post this blog.

My next job is to take a look at the overnight emails. Many these days are junk and they quickly get deleted without being read. I get advertisements for Viagra pills, loans, all sorts of dodgy money-saving offers, penis enlargements, offers to act as an intermediary for a money fraud (but only if I give details of my own bank account) and, latterly for some unknown reason, breast enhancements.

On a daily basis I get requests to visit the websites of various supermarkets and mail order firms I have dealt with in the past, as well as spurious invitations to join certain social network sites. All go in the bin and get deleted instantly. They are a wretched nuisance.

One might ask how these people get our email addresses. Some, like the supermarkets and mail order companies, have to have them so that they can keep us uptodate with the progress of our orders. One hopes that they observe the protocols and do not sell our details on, though some undoubtedly do.

Yet other outfits very cleverly send out emails designed to collect email addresses. I frequently get, for example, pleas from folk with some heart-rending story that asks me to copy the message and pass it on to a dozen others. Behind the scenes, there are apparently computers that will search out such messages and collect the email addresses being used.

There are endless ways in which the unscrupulous will collect email addresses and put them to good use, by either sending out the sort of junk mail I get every morning or by selling them so that someone else can.

There seems little that one can do about junk emails, even though most of the internet providers have taken steps to reduce their number. I haven’t recently, for instance, been asked by the widow of some African bank whose husband salted away $20 millions somewhere, for help in laundering it in return for 25%. And my own internet provider cleverly pops emails about Viagra and the other well-known nonsenses into a ‘Junk’ folder that I can empty every now and again without having the bother of reading any of it.

Nonetheless, internet junk mail is as much of a nuisance as the stuff we get through our letterbox every morning, moreso these days after Royal Mail agreed to start delivering it. But, as I said before, there is little we can do about it.

On the other hand if anyone out there wants to have a contact who will sell them Viagra tablets, penis enlargements (the mind boggles) and breast enhancements (surely not a DIY job?) or help a widow get illegal money out of an African bank ... just send me an email!
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Pitiful!

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I’m bored with hearing about those who are considered to earn too much. The latest in a long line of tales, involving the head teacher of a London primary school whose basic pay before bonuses is over £200,000, is trumpeted as being a scandal. Which, of course, it is.

People very rarely decide their own salaries and if it is considered that they are paid too much then the fault lays with those who set the pay rates. They are the ones who presumably set salaries commensurate with a person’s abilities and taking the going market rate into account. These are the people who need to be held accountable when the public starts screaming about unacceptable pay rates.

The other side of the same coin is that if a person has such qualities and experience to draw a high salary in a open jobs market, then good luck to him or her.

The other thing that I find fascinating, and most illogical, is when the media screams that so and so is earning more than the Prime Minister. That may well be the case - but then, let’s face it, the Prime Minister’s salary of £142,500 is woefully inadequate. Pitiful even!
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You Can Get It For Free!

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For a while I was a volunteer adviser in my local Citizens Advice Bureau. The work was very interesting and, thanks to a huge database of knowledge, very effective. It was also completely free of charge to our clients.

The questions we advisers were asked covered a whole range of problems: neighbours fences and overhanging trees, faulty goods, noise pollution, school discipline, dodgy car salesmen, unfair dismissal ... you name it, we dealt with it.

One of the principal issues we dealt with was that of debt and it was quite extraordinary how folk managed to get themselves into it. Of course, there were the odd occasions when you could see that someone had deliberately run up a debt and then tried to avoid payment but, generally speaking, the others were ordinary folk who imperceptibly descended into a spiral of ever-increasing debt. Many of these transferred debts between credit cards or took out additional loans to the point where their desperation was often heartbreaking.

Some of our clients who were struggling with debt expected to be referred to one of the many debt management companies that advertise so often these days. They were usually very surprised to be told that these firms charged for their services and that, in fact, their debts could be restructured and managed free of charge by agencies such as the CAB.

So I was glad to see that the Office of Fair Trading has imposed a series of requirements on two firms they considered were making misleading claims in their advertisements.

In truth, I don’t like the debt management advertisements one sees on television and in local papers. If they all had to explain at the outset that the same advice could be had for free, they’d all be out of business tomorrow.
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Spot On!

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My admiration for Nick Clegg improves by the day.

It is reported that, just after the General Election results were known, he told Gordon Brown that, ‘... it is not possible to secure the legitimacy of a coalition and win a referendum unless you move on in a dignified way.' He apparently also said that the Labour party was 'knackered after 13 years in power’.

He got that right!

A Muddle

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Whatever others might say about them, the doctrines and disciplines of the Roman Catholic Church are mainly understood by its subscribing members. One might not agree that its priests and bishops have to be celibate males, but that’s the very clear rule and understood by everyone.

Contrast then the muddle in the Church of England which, if its not careful, is about to have a schism open up among its members. It is constantly worried about the ordination of homosexuals and women as priests and bishops even though some of its provinces have gone along happily with both.

An openly gay priest was recently barred from the Anglican bishopric of Southwark, and a vote in the General Synod went against compromise proposals by the Archbishops of Canterbury which would have allowed women bishops.

There are yet more mutterings about a defection of some Anglican priests and bishops to the Roman Catholic Church under what has been called a ‘fast-track conversion’ scheme.

All this may be of no real concern to the fabled Man on the Clapham Omnibus, but it is a situation which has the possibility to be highly damaging to the Anglican Church nonetheless.
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A Great Shame

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Since 1801, with the exception of the war year of 1941, Britain has carried out a National Census every decade until 2001. Past census returns up to 1911 are easily available online (with the exception of Scotland who don’t publish that year until March of next year).

Now the census is to be scrapped under plans announced by the Cabinet Office Minister who says that it is an expensive and inaccurate way of measuring the number of people in Britain. Reports suggest that the Cabinet will approve the plan and that the next census, in March of next year, will be the last one conducted.

It may well be that, as the minister says, there are different and cheaper ways of counting the population of Britain using existing public and private databases. However, a tremendous reference source used by a variety of bodies and private individuals will be lost for ever.

I, for example, have so far been able to track my father’s family back as far as 1851 using the published census returns. I’m still working on this project to see if I can get further back in time and also waiting to see what the family position was in 1911.

So I believe it will be a very great shame if future generations will not be able to research the census returns after 2011.
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Good Idea!

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The Transport Minister has suggested that employers be encouraged to let staff work from home one day a fortnight in an effort to cut transport congestion and carbon emissions.

It’s a good idea, for I certainly achieved much more on the odd days I worked from home. Away from the telephone and other interruptions, a quiet day at home enabled me to concentrate on building spreadsheets and working on detailed reports. Access to the internet and emails also aided this considerably.

The downside is that not everyone can work from home as it’s mainly the pen-pushers like me that are able to take their work back home with them. Nonetheless, more flexible working can only be a good thing generally.
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It’s Possible!

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I’m not psychic, but I said on Thursday that I thought it very odd that ten alleged Russian spies were arrested at the same time that Russia wanted to exchange them with some alleged American spies.

Now it emerges that the US considered the possibility of a spy swap more than two weeks before it arrested the ten Russian agents.

It seems that the Russian agents were arrested three days after Russian President Medvedev left the US after being entertained by American President Obama. Though it is being denied that the two presidents discussed possible deportations, one can imagine what conversation might have taken place over dinner.

Obama: ‘You’ve got a couple of our chaps we’d like to have back. Could we do a swap?’

Medvedev: ‘Of course - anything in the interests of international harmony. Could we have a few of our back in return?

Well, it’s possible!
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Silly Man!

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As someone with a legitimate title, I am not happy with those who falsify theirs.

Take for example, the Malaysian politician who announced in a recent press release that he had been awarded the KGC by the Queen. Accompanying the release was a photograph of the investiture ceremony showing Her Majesty pinning the jewel to a bright red collar.

Unfortunately, it was spotted by those in the know that the collar worn by the gentleman was not the pure gold collar of the British Empire and that, in any event, the knighthood investitures for the 2010 birthday honours have not yet taken place.

It turns out that folk in Malaysia are very impressed by people who have titles and the politician concerned decided he’d up his popularity ratings by doctoring a photo of the Queen investing someone else and then announcing his new knighthood in recognition of his charity work. Now, for all his trouble, he faces expulsion from his party and, possibly, his job.

Silly man. If only he’d bought a little plot of land in the Scottish Highlands, he could have become a legitimate Laird. Thus, I am honoured to be the Laird of Glencairn thanks to a Christmas present from my sons and have a certificate to prove it!
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What Nonsense!

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A Leicestershire school has apparently banned parents from attending its sports days as it cannot guarantee that they have valid criminal records checks.

One of the parents went along to see his 12-year-old son and was asked to leave the sports field by a teacher who said that parents were not allowed because they had not been checked by the Criminal Records Bureau.

A spokesman for the school said, ‘... all our policies are subject to regular review and are changed to meet the needs of our students’.

My guess is that this was issued after a spokesman for Leicestershire County Council said, ‘We certainly do not issue any guidance to say parents should have a CRB check to attend school sports days’.

What a lot of nonsense. The school should recognise that at least one father was interested enough in his son to go along and watch him!
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Very Odd!

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Am I the only one who considers it odd that ten alleged Russian spies have been arrested in the US at the same time that Russia would like to swap them for ten alleged American and British spies?

Very odd!
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Hmm

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The BBC has discovered that the government (by which is meant the last lot) have spent sums of money ranging from £10,000 to £40,000 on developing iPhone applications.

The most expensive app, as they are known, was by the DVLA who was developing one which would give ‘a masterclass for changing your wheel’. What? Don’t car handbooks tell you how to change wheels and do not the motoring organisations exist anymore?

Then there was £32,775 spent by Jobcentre Plus. Over 53,000 supposedly unemployed people downloaded this iPhone app by the end of May. It has rightly been said that anyone needing this particular app would surely not be able to afford the iPhone and its running costs.

One of the cheapest app developments was that of the NHS who spent £10,000 on a ‘Drinks Tracker’ enabling iPhone users to calculate the units in their drinks and log their drinking over the weeks and months. It also lets people find their local NHS Alcohol Service (whatever that is). I really can’t imagine drinkers who have had a bellyful in the pub on a Friday night having sufficient focus to call up this iPhone app for help!

Between 2009 and 2010 the government (obviously the last lot) spent a staggering £94 millions on website development and running costs along with another £32 millions on web staff.

Thank heavens then that the government (by which I mean the current lot) have decided that iPhone and other such developments will in future be scrutinised by the Efficiency and Reform Group, which is chaired by the Cabinet Office Minister and the Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

Let’s hope also that this worthy group has sufficient knowledge of computers to understand the proposals coming forward!
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Where Did You Get That Cat?

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It is well known that I am the original ‘Mr Squeamish’ in my family and cannot bear the sight of blood, discussions about people’s medical problems and the operations they have had, and cannot even look at the needle when I’m having a blood test.

I detest also those television programmes about ‘nature’ in which animals are seen hunting down and eating other animals. It’s enough for me to know that a wild animal has to hunt for its dinner but I don’t see why it is necessary for so many programmes to show in graphic and tedious detail the bloody processes involved.

There was a documentary the other night about the work of the ‘bionic vet’, Noel Fitzpatrick, who is pioneering new techniques to save the lives of injured animals. I couldn’t watch the programme for obvious reasons, but it was interesting for me to read about his amazing work and the artificial legs he gave to that lovely black cat, Oscar.

Reading about Oscar made me think about the four cats we have been slaves to over the years (we have, bye the bye, been slaves to eight dogs also). They were Smokey, Henry, Ginger and Spike.

I saw Smokey, more of which later on, as a kitten in a shop window. Henry was the son of my sister’s cat and was definitely ‘mine’. He must have had a bit of Siamese in him for he would sit on my shoulder and I could have a conversation with him. Alas, he contracted a virus and had to be put to sleep (I hate that term ‘put down’!). Ginger came from an animal rescue centre and turned out to be a roamer and for years shared himself with another household half a mile away. He loved crossing a major road to visit our local nature reserve and one time was rescued from the top of a tree by the fire brigade after a call from a concerned walker. Spike was spotted by my wife in our local veterinary surgery having been bought in to be put to sleep because he was so unruly. He was probably part-ferule and was certainly a handful. He would sit on our neighbour’s garage roof underneath the ivy and wait for the birds or a stupid cat to come by before pouncing on them. He couldn’t stand me one bit though, after I returned home from living abroad for four years, he decided I was friendly after all and to everyone’s surprise became quite affectionate towards me.

Anyhow, to return to Smokey. Forty years ago on a sunny afternoon I took our two sons out in their pram for a walk. As I passed our local dirty book shop my eyes were drawn to a sign which announced ‘Good Homes Wanted For Kittens’. It would be a waste of time to convince anyone that my eyes were not drawn to the saucy magazines on display but, in a basket beneath the sign, were half a dozen mewing kittens and I thought it would be nice to have a cat in the house. My wife approved of the idea of having a pet and the next day I went back to the shop and selected one which we called Smokey. Smokey was a lovely house cat and lived for many years. Her favourite indoor perch was on top of the television and, now and again, she would go into a deep sleep and fall off. Other times her tail would fall in front of the screen and one of us would have to reposition her so that we could watch a programme without a large furry tail interfering with the picture.

We lived next door at the time to an elderly couple who were very nice and with whom we got on very well. The lady of the house was, however, a terrible snob. As Smokey grew more adventurous she started to explore the garden and, inevitably, the other gardens nearby. I prayed that the lady next door would ask me the question that inevitably she did. ‘What a lovely cat, Mr MacDonald. Wherever did you get it?’ she enquired one afternoon. ‘From the dirty book shop in the London Road,’ I truthfully responded.

The cat was never mentioned again!
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Idyllic!

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An interesting programme on Radio 4 last evening told listeners about the small child-free village of Firhall on the outskirts of Nairn in the Highlands where the residents say they value their peace and quiet.

It seems that only the over-45s can buy property in this quiet village built in 2003 where, apart from barring children, the residents are not allowed to keep rabbits, bees, pigeons and ducks. They are, however, allowed to have one dog.

Fortunately, grandchildren are allowed to visit and stay though there are limits on how often they can do this.

This seems absolutely idyllic to me!
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If Only!

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For those who are interested, despite my cheerful countenance, I didn’t win the lottery this weekend - not even a perishing tenner! But five lucky folk did, scooping £1.5 millions each.

My sister and I have sometimes discussed what we would do if we were to be lucky enough to have a really big win on the lottery. After treating the family and securing our children’s futures, we would love to set up a charitable trust and see what good we could do with the money.

One man who has just done something like this is billionaire Warren Buffett who has just shelved out shares worth $1.93 billions between five charitable foundations. This is an unimaginable amount of money, yet he says that he intends to give away 99% of his fortune which is reckoned to be something around $44 billions.

What can you say except thank heavens for philanthropists like Mr Buffett and Bill Gates!
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Happy Fourth July!

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Today is the day on which all Americans celebrate the 1776 statement by the Continental Congress announcing that the thirteen American colonies were henceforth to be independent states and no longer part of the British Empire.

The Declaration of Independence was approved by Congress on 4 July and purists have been arguing ever since whether or not it was actually signed on that day. Nonetheless, the Declaration bears 4 July as its date and, years later, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and John Adams all confirmed it had in fact been signed that day.

I’ve been in the States a couple of times over Fourth July Weekend and can confirm that the American world, or that part of it I was privileged to see, was out to celebrate. Those I met cared not a jot about arcane arguments over the Declaration’s date of signature; they were just out to party. And why not?

So a very happy Fourth of July to all Americans!
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Not Much Around

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The newspapers are full of stuff this morning. Well, sort of, for none of it has prompted me to get going.

Fabio Capello is to remain as the England team’s manager. Could this imply that he was either too expensive to sack or that it was solely the poor performance of the players to blame for our rout in the World Cup?

The British chap who was once married to the alleged Russian spy now held in America tells all, or nearly all. He is quoted as saying that he wasn’t surprised at the news that his ex-wife had been arrested. Which begs the question as to why he didn’t report her if he suspected something when they were married.

A lock of hair, reputed to have been cut from Napoleon after his death in exile in St. Helena in 1821, has fetched £8,600 at an auction in New Zealand. The buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous, could have had mine for free though, perhaps, anyone purchasing a lock of what’s left of my hair wouldn’t want the world to know about it!

Israel has renewed its offer to release 1,000 Palestinian prisoners if the captured soldier Sergeant Gilad Shalit, who was seized militants on the Gaza border in 2006, is freed. It seems a fair exchange, particularly as feeding 1,000 prisoners every day must be a heavy drain on Israeli resources.

And, finally, the government has published a list of more than 150 bosses of taxpayer-supported quangos who receive six-figure salaries. The top earner was nearly £400,000 paid to the chief executive of the Olympic Delivery Authority. Others, like Lord Mogg, chairman of energy regulator Ofgem, received over £200,000 a year for working just three days a week. Oh, how I wish I could have had a job like that!

As I say, there’s not much around today to set me going!
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A Rarity

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As I was out and about in the car yesterday, I spotted a fairly new car with an old-style AA badge fixed to its front grill. It reminded me that we rarely see these badges these days except on vintage cars.

I suppose the entry into the breakdown market of the insurance companies did away with the old AA and RAC badges for cars. Nowadays we get little cards to evidence our membership of the various breakdown organisations and don’t need the outward symbols of them. But it’s not as good as in the days when we were proud to bear the insignia of the club we belonged to on our cars.

When I first had a company car, and used to drive into central London every day (something I would never attempt these days!), I fixed to its radiator grill the badge of the company’s motoring club which, as it happened, was the firm’s rather impressive coat-of-arms.

Shortly after I got the car I had to drive from the West End down to Southampton with a colleague who looked a little like the Princess Royal. Along the Mall I was stopped at a set of traffic lights when a policeman stopped the traffic coming from the right and waved me through the lights thinking, I suppose, that the badge and the look-alike indicated that I was a royal driver taking her Royal Highness down to the Palace. I think we chuckled about that almost all of the way down to Southampton Docks.

The sight of that AA badge yesterday also reminded me of that incident and that car badges which once indicated with pride membership of this or that motoring and other clubs are sadly a rarity. I suspect that vandalism may have something to do with it but, nonetheless, it is a pity.
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What?

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After an FBI investigation, ten people have been arrested in America accused of conspiracy to act as unlawful agents of a foreign government and suspician of money laundering. Another was held in Cyprus awaiting extradition to the US on suspicion of espionage and money laundering (who has since disappeared).

A Russian Foreign Ministry spokesman is quoted as saying, ‘We expect that the incident involving the arrest in the United States of a group of people suspected of spying for Russia will not negatively affect Russian-US relations.’

Oh, really?
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