Compassion

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The House of Lords has ruled in favour of Debbie Purdy, 46, suffering from progressive multiple sclerosis who sought confirmation that, under the terms of the European Convention on Human Rights, she had the right to choose how she died. The court also ordered that the Director of Public Prosecutions must prepare a policy covering cases where a spouse or partner travelled abroad to assist people with terminal illnesses to end their own lives.

The Law Lords decision will doubtless spark endless ethical and theological debate. Nonetheless, my view is that when someone has a painful terminal illness, they must be allowed - with the proper safeguards - to make their own decision about painlessly ending their physical and mental suffering.

Mrs Purdy may travel to Switzerland to end her life in a clinic where she will take a lethal dose of barbiturates prescribed by doctors at the controversial Dignitas organisation. Such a step requires enormous bravery and our hearts must go out to her and her family.

But the case raises the question as to why anyone should be forced to go to the expense of travelling abroad to put an end to their suffering when a similar compassionate service could be arranged in this country.

Certainly a debate on the issue is welcome, but the debate should include discussion as to what similar facilities could be provided in Britain.
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A Ripe Wheeze

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The Shepton Mallet West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers Group took a weather balloon and launched a slab of cheddar cheese into the upper atmosphere to see whether it ‘matured at high altitude’.

The results of this publicity scheme have not yet been disclosed, but I wonder if such a scheme would work for members of the government?
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Rushed And Piecemeal

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The Commons Justice Committee has said that the prime minister’s attempts to reform the constitution are being rushed through in a piecemeal way. They also said that elevating people to the Lords to serve as ministers may be damaging. The Committee recommended that major reforms, such as a written constitution or reform of the voting system, should be referred to a constitutional convention and be subject to a referendum.

This, remember, is a committee of MPs saying these things.

The public have been saying these things for some time, so the committee for once is in tune with public opinion. Including the criticism that a legally-binding code of conduct for MPs was dropped from the Parliamentary Standards Bill which received the Royal Assent last week.

Reform is certainly needed, but this government seems least likely to do it properly!
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Lost!

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I have often wondered why using a mobile phone or watching television while in the car or eating food while driving is an offence while operating a GPS system on the dashboard is not.

It seems that many drivers these days are unable to read a map and have to rely on these little devices to get themselves around. You read stories every now and again of drivers who have followed their GPS receivers and found themselves stuck in narrow lanes or swamped in flooded fords.

So it comes as no surprise that a Swedish couple wrongly programmed their GPS to take them to Carpi, an industrial town in northern Italy, instead of the island of Capri. Carpi was at least, more or less, on their way.

Bring back the books of maps and furious arguments with wives and partners who cannot read them!
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A National Disgrace

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The Civil Service mentality is often beyond comprehension, and their sense of timing appalling.

Quite rightly, the MoD has been roundly criticised for applying to the Court of Appeal to cut the compensation awarded to two British soldiers, amounts which had already been increased by the High Court.

Regardless of the outcome of the case, it is unimaginable that anyone with a brain in government sanctioned this court action, especially on a day when the bodies of four men killed in Afghanistan were brought home. What message does this legal action send to serving soldiers, their relatives and to those men and women thinking of joining the forces?

‘Bronco’ Brown should exercise his prime ministerial authority and order that this action be withdrawn immediately.
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More Like These Please!

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Esther Rantzen, the former host of BBC’s That’s Life, has said that she is going to stand for Luton south at the next election. I wish the feisty lady, who sprang into action at the time of the MPs expenses scandal, all the best. We could do with more like her in Parliament to stir things up a bit.

I hope also that Joanna Lumley stands for Parliament, as she is another lady who has the guts to stand up and say what she thinks. The daughter of a former Gurkha Regiment officer, she recently championed the cause of the Gurkhas and single-handedly managed to edge ‘Bronco’ Brown and government minister, Phil Woolas, into humiliating corners from which they could not withdraw.

Yes, we could do with many more of the likes of Esther Rantzen, and Joanna Lumley! More power to them!
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Smile!

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Tokyo commuters are now assured that the railway staff serving them have the biggest smiles going, for Japanese Railways have installed ‘smile scanners’ to ‘help employees deliver a better service’.

Staff sit before a ‘Smilescan’ computer which measures their smile and these are scanned from time to time to see how they perform against this measurement. Apparently, all of the station’s staff volunteered to be scanned and one of them said that the system enabled her to perfect her smile.

What a great idea! Why not introduce this amazing system into this country? There are millions of surly service employees in Britain that could benefit from a smile.

As could we all at this time!
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Ours Are ‘More Biodegradable’

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As I write, there are five red rubber bands discarded by our postman lying on the pavement outside our house. At some point, I will pick them up and add them to my growing collection of Royal Mail rubber bands. It is one of the small parts I play in recycling!

Why am I bothering to tell you about the rubber bands outside my house? It is because, under a Freedom of Information Act request by a Mr. Woods of Bristol, Royal Mail have admitted that they use 871 million rubber bands every year and that this total rises by around 50 million a year.

Amongst the tosh put out by their spokesman, Royal Mail state, ‘Unfortunately, given the quantity that we use, it is inevitable that some rubber bands will be dropped by mistake.’ Yeah, right!

Obviously trained by a PR company, the spokesman then added that Royal Mail’s rubber bands were ‘more biodegradable’ than ordinary brown ones. Interesting! How biodegradable is an ordinary brown one and how much more biodegradable are the Royal Mail red ones?

In any event, wouldn’t thousands of pounds, and much pointless litter, be saved if the lazy postmen just recycled the rubber bands they took out?
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We Will Remember Them

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Those who watched last year’s Remembrance Service at the Cenotaph will have seen two frail elderly gentlemen being taken in their wheelchairs to lay their wreaths along with the others at that sad place.

They were Henry Allingham aged 113 and Harry Patch aged 111, and they were two of the last British survivors of the First World War. Henry died a week ago and Harry died yesterday, leaving only one British survivor, Claude Choules aged 108, now living in Australia.

The events of WWI, in which it is estimated that 16 million combatants and civilians of all nationalities were killed, are unimaginable to us. No historical or personal accounts can truly convey to us the horror of that war any more than the many cemeteries adequately represent to present day eyes the vast numbers of casualties inflicted.

It is fitting then that a National Memorial Service will be held later in the year for those involved in what was then known as The Great War and the War To End All Others. But it is more than sad that its lessons have not been learned and that deadly conflicts continue to this day.

Two minutes of silence once a year are not enough to think about such things.
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Monkey Business

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As anyone who has visited places like Gibraltar knows, monkeys can be a major nuisance and very often dangerous in their search for food.

The growing number of monkeys forced out of diminishing forests and looking for food in the villages and towns of the Punjab has become such a problem that the state government is to build India’s first monkey rescue and rehabilitation centre. This will take in the ‘worst offenders’ and put them through a crash course in good manners. A spokesman said that they propose ‘a composite facility where scientific methods will be employed to change and alter the social habits of the monkeys’.

I wonder if they can take in a few thousand of our aggressive teenagers as well?
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Unfair Criticism?

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Three Labour MPs have emerged from the woodwork to blame ‘Bronco’ Brown for their party’s defeat in the Norwich North bi-election. Former Home Secretary Charles Clarke and backbenchers Barry Sheerman and John McDonnell have all roundly criticised the Prime Minister.

I thought that a bit unfair. After all, there were many factors at play in the run-up to this election - the economic situation, pensions, the government’s handling of MPs expenses and the sacking of the incumbent MP, our presence in Afghanistan and what seems certain to be a shortage of equipment for the troops there ...

Wait a minute! I’ve just had a thought. Wasn’t ‘Bronco', responsible for all of that? Maybe the MPs are right after all!
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Something For Everyone

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There’s an awful lot of tosh spouted in the media as a result of the win of Tory candidate Chloe Smith in the Norwich North by-election yesterday.

Most of the papers talk about a ‘blow’ to ‘Bronco’ Brown’s Labour Party. A ‘blow’? Hardly - was it not widely expected?

Brown (who wisely stayed away from the hustings) says the result was a ‘disappointment’, though his party takes comfort in coming second in the poll and not being relegated further. David Cameron talks about the result being a ‘historic victory’. The Liberals are happy to have maintained their position in third place, and UKIP are triumphant that they beat the Green Party into fourth place.

Considering the variants at place in this poll in which voters stayed away in their thousands - dissatisfaction with the present government, general unhappiness over the issue of MPs expenses (including those of the previous MP), the economic situation, Afghanistan and half a dozen other issues - the bi-election result was no surprise at all.

There was something for everyone in this poll! Including a very attractive new MP who is now the youngest in Parliament!
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Snakes Alive!

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Yesterday the legislature in Orissa in India had to be adjourned because a cobra snake found its way into it.

The internet has shown pictures of concerned members scurrying out of the place while catchers unsuccessfully attempt to find it. (As it happens, the snake is thought to have found its way out of the building under its own steam.)

There’s more than one snake in our Parliament building. But there’s no point in looking for them - they’ve all gone on extended holiday!
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I Hope They Know What They Are Doing!

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Japanese knotweed, an ornamental plant introduced to Britain by Victorian gardeners, is now a national menace. It spreads wildly and its roots cause much damage.

Scientists have identified an insect, Aphalara itadori, that feeds on the sap of the superweed and is said to stunt its growth, and they are thinking of introducing it to this country. The public's views are being sought on this.

I hope the scientists know what they are doing for there are many examples where introducing a creature has done more damage than good.. The most notable example is the damage done in Australia following the introduction of the rabbit there.

Scientists say that biological control of the Japanese knotweed will be a cheaper and more environmentally friendly option for controlling the superweed.

Hmm! I wonder.
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‘Robust Evidence’

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Almost lost in the small print of the papers this morning is the ruling by the Advertising Standards Authority that claims by a baby product company that a follow-on milk for children which was said to support their immune system was misleading. The ASA ruled that such claims should not have been made without ‘robust’ evidence.

‘Robust evidence’. What an interesting phrase.

Could it be applied to this government’s claims over the years and, if so, can we make a complaint to the ASA about them?
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Smile, You’re On Camera!

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Fifteen years ago I drove into Pasadena in California and, on approaching the city limits, was amused to see a huge sign which announced, ‘SMILE, YOU’RE ON CAMERA!’.

It was an effective reminder not to speed, but also a sign that CCTV even then was becoming more and more common. Of course, since then we’ve learned to live with the cameras and for the most part ignore them; they’ve just become part of our way of life.

I read recently that the average UK citizen is caught on CCTV cameras 300 times a day. Wow! So it came as no surprise that yesterday the august body of the House of Lords published a report that says the expansion of what they term the ‘surveillance society’ undermines our fundamental freedoms including our right to privacy.

One might argue that, unless one is doing something wrong and therefore drawing attention of these cameras to oneself, no harm is being done. That certainly is a valid view.

On the other hand, the BBC estimates that there are now over 3 million of these cameras watching our every move and that is a bit unsettling. Especially when we learn that the Shetland Islands have more CCTV cameras than the San Francisco Police Department! Or that the London Borough of Wandsworth has more of them than Dublin, Johannesburg, San Francisco and Boston combined!

Smile, we are definitely on camera and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it!
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Dear Old Boris!

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Number 10 is not known for its expertise in the field of public relations and, once again, it has been bested by the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

For it is Boris who has been chosen to appear in an episode of East Enders where he will be shown having an argument with the landlord of the Queen Vic pub, Peggy Mitchell played by Barbara Windsor.

I wonder why they didn’t ask ‘Bronco’ Brown?
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The Sabbath Ferry

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I always had some sympathy for the folk on Lewis who resisted for many years the ferry service to the mainland on the Sabbath. My impression was that the majority of islanders felt that way and, if so, they were entitled to maintain their beliefs.

But it was noteworthy that as the first Sunday service sailed from Stornaway back to the mainland yesterday, the dozen protesters were considerably outnumbered by the other islanders applauding as the first cars drove on board the ferry.

It goes to show that things are not always what they seem and, in this case at any rate, the majority view was not shared by the vocal few.
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Killjoys And Jobsmiths!

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I have to be honest and admit that I can’t stand gooseberries. There seems no way anyone can cook these tart little fruits in such a way as to make them edible, at least insofar as I’m concerned. Nonetheless, I recognise that the humble gooseberry is to some the finest of delicacies in their season.

In fact, the folk of Galmpton in Devon so like the gooseberry that since 1873 they have been baking them into a giant pie and parading it in procession along the high street to the village pub. Accompanied by music and much jollity, the Galmpton Gooseberry Pie Fair last year raised nearly £8,000 for charity.

Even if you can’t stand gooseberries, you have to admit that a bit of fun which gives many people much harmless amusement and raises cash for charity has to be a very good thing.

But Torbay Council has told the Fair’s organisers to tone down the music after complaints that its volume ‘caused a disturbance’. They were also told that the event was covered by the Environment Protection Act of 1990 and that in future a Temporary Event Notice must be obtained for the Fair.

Killjoys and jobsmiths, the lot of them! All hail the Galmpton Gooseberry Pie Fair!
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Great Traditions!

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From around the 14th century, ships calling into the City of London were required to deliver up part of their cargoes to the sovereign as a due which permitted them to enter the capital. Over time, this developed into an elborate ceremony in which officers and crew paraded through the Tower of London, accompanied by an escort of Yeoman Warders, to present a keg of wine to the Queen’s representative, the Constable of the Tower.

Yesterday, officers and crew of the visiting American warship, the USS Halyburton, became the first non-British crews taking part in the ceremony of ‘Constable’s Dues’, watched by hundreds of tourists and spectators.

Isn’t it great that, despite all the current economic and political problems, this country can still remember the ancient traditions and, in this case, honour our cousins and allies from across the ‘pond’?
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Disable The Mobiles!

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We live in an age where peace and quiet often seems hard to find. Wherever we go there seem to be people chattering on mobile telephones, and nowhere seems sacrosanct any more from these often overpowering conversations.

Train journeys up to town used to be times when I read a book, but this is usually not possible these days due to folk answering or making phone calls which are almost always banal and non-urgent. And I reacted with horror to the idea that some airlines now permit folk to use their own mobiles in flight though, fortunately, it is a rare thing for me to fly these days.

Perhaps we live in an age when the use of fixed telephones are being replaced by the mobiles, and there is much good in that particularly when people can be contacted when they are out and about. But I do believe there are limits and trains, museums, churches and other places that should be quiet ought to be off-limits.

But at least one group of people have risen to stop mobile phones from disturbing them during what should be quiet times. It is a mosque in Kenya which installed a device to block the mobile phone signals that so often disrupted services there.

There should be more of these devices around in my view. Restoring a little bit of peace and quiet in the day.
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Dopey!

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News that the police in Fiji broke up a meeting of local Freemasons after villagers complained that they were practicing witchcraft must have sent shivers through the spines of Freemasons worldwide.

The actons of what were described as ‘dopey village people’ resulted in fourteen men being locked up in police cells for the night until the prime minister’s office ordered their release.

Was the PM a Freemason one wonders, and will the local Women’s Institute be the next target?
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How Many More Must Die?

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I’ve commented before on the stubbornness of ‘Bronco’ Brown when it comes to answering questions in Parliament, and Wednesday was no exception when he refused to answer specific questions from the opposition leader about the equipment supplied to troops serving in Afghanistan.

He adopted the same stubborn attitude on Thursday, when he avoided giving a direct answer to a Select Committee of MPs who had reported that our troops were under-equipped. In the face of their considered report, he insisted that the army had enough equipment and denied that they were short of helicopters.

I’m surprised that there isn’t some sort of Parliamentary procedure under which this prime minister can be forced to give an honest answer to the questions put to him. But this is a side issue.

In the meantime, it comes as no surprise that the retiring head of the army now says that our troops need better equipment to protect them from roadside bombs.

184 British soldiers have died in Afghanistan since 2001 - more than the 179 who were killed during the war in Iraq. How many more must die needlessly?
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From The Ridiculous To The Sublime

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The normally sensible folk managing Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge have just spent £3,850 on a survey to discover why some of their staff are to be seen out and about in the hospital grounds smoking. The surprising answer was that they were all nicotine dependent.

Wow!

This compares with the brothel in Berlin which has decided to embrace carbon emission reductions by giving a €5 discount to customers who arrive on bicycle or public transport.

Now that’s real progress!
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Yet Another Stink!

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1858 was the year of the ‘Great Stink’ when the smell of untreated sewage going into the Thames became so bad that the House of Commons stirred itself into action and the following year appointed John Bazalgette to sort the situation out by building a new sewage system.

Over the next six years a magnificent system of connected and intercepting sewers had been constructed and the days of cholera outbreaks and the foul smells that had offended and interrupted the work of Parliament were over.

Much of Bazalgette’s new construction relied on rain water periodically flushing the sewers and, to a large extent, the same applies today. So isn’t it strange that some water companies are now proposing to impose huge bills on organisations which own large buildings which shed rain water from their roofs into the sewage system? Churches in particular, because of the large surface area of their roofs, are going to be vulnerable to what is essentially a new tax.

If the sewage system still relies on rain water flushing the system through, oughtn’t logic tell us that their water bills ought to be lower?
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Social Care?

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This government has gone mad. They have considered the future increase in Britain’s elderly population and the impact this might have on what is termed the ‘social care system’. In other words old people’s homes.

One proposal is that, upon retirement, folk will have to cough up £20,000 to pay for it. Good grief! What have we been paying National Insurance Contributions for all these years.

‘Bronco’ Brown should take himself off to Norway and see how they care for the elderly without asking them to put their hands deeper into their own pockets. In Tromsø, for example, they are so proud of their care for elderly that bus tours of the city actually include a stop outside the old people’s home overlooking the fjord and almost next door to a brand-new hospital.

Then he might learn something!
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B****r It!

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Researchers at Kiel University have discovered that swearing when you hurt yourself is a sensible policy.

It seems that 64 volunteers were asked to hold their hands in freezing water for as long as possible while repeating a swear word of their choice. They then repeated the experiment using a commonplace word to describe a table. Thus, it seems, those uttering expletives were able to keep their hands longer in the water when swearing.

From this, it is deduced that swearing helps when you hurt yourself.

By jingo, Gordon Ramsay must be in a lot of pain then!
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I Got It Wrong!

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OK. Hands up. I got it wrong! Having heard that the government had invested £60 billion in the Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds Bank, I thought that ‘Bronco’ Brown and his associates were doing nothing to lessen the taxpayers' burden on the deal which is reckoned to be worth around £3,000 per person.

But, in fact, the government has done something about it for No. 10 now has a secret gift shop.

Yes, sirree, you can now buy a range of things from blank cards at forty pence to a model No. 10 door for £71. And if you’re looking for something else, you can now buy oven gloves, aprons, tea towels, mugs, coasters, fruit drops (is that why ‘Bronco' is always putting his tongue in his cheek when speaking?), mint thins, tea, candles, cufflinks, key rings, pens, book marks, address books, notebooks and even a teddy bear.

This information was dragged out of No 10 by a chap who goes under the name of ‘Dizzie’ who put an application in under the Freedom of Information Act.

Why this was necessary is a mystery as, clearly, the secret shop (no longer a secret now) is going to benefit the British economy. Isn’t it?
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The Case of the Genie

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A family in Saudi Arabia is taking a genie to court on the grounds that it threw stones, stole mobile phones and eventually forced the family out of their house. The case has echoes of the sort of poltergeist activity we hear about from time to time in Britain.

Genies, or djinns, are supernatural beings recognised in the Muslim world and the local court are is investigating the case.

The case raises an interesting question. How does one serve a court writ on a genie?
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How Things Have Changed

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In a period of ten days, fifteen British soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan in a service which the Foreign Secretary says is ‘about the future of Britain’. When troops were first deployed to there three years ago the then Defence Secretary hoped they would complete their mission without a shot being fired. Oh, how things have changed.

I know nothing about the war against the Taliban in Afghanistan, its tactics or the people involved - except that no country has ever won against the hill tribesmen. When Russians exited the country after their failed campaign there, I remember commenting to a Russian friend that I was surprised his government hadn’t learned from our experience there in Victorian times.

And yet here we are again, part of NATO and along with US forces, fighting Taliban tribesmen who seem more than competent to take on disciplined and well-equipped forces.

I don’t know what the answer is to what is undoubtedly a highly complex issue, but it sometimes seems to me that if, as reported, Afghanistan has 90,000 troops of their own then we ought to withdraw and let them get on with it.

Then we would be spared the pictures of British and American soldiers returning home in their coffins.
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The Language Of Love

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A suspected sham wedding was stopped after the Portuguese bride, Nigerian groom and another man were arrested just before the church ceremony was due to take place in Northampton.

The police said that the bride and groom couldn’t understand each other and communicated by sign language.

Hmm ... just like some marriages!
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Clever Kids!

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A pilot study by Tower Hamlets Council to try to measure how much exercise was being done by around two hundred children disclosed just how surprisingly active some of them were.

The study, which involved fitting pedometers to the children’s waists with the results being collected by satellite, showed that some obese children were recording very high step counts. But then, researchers discovered that some of the kids were fitting the pedometers to their dogs’ collars.

Clearly these clever kids are destined to be MPs!
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Come Home, Simon!

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A Bristol family recently lost their 10-year old pet Labrador, Simon. After he had been missing for some days, they came up with the idea of leaving urine trails around the place so as to remind him of their scent and lure him back home. Apparently, the whole family ‘chipped in’ with some urine that was diluted before being trailed around the district.

The family are very brave. If they are really unlucky, they are about to be visited by the next two hundred dogs that pass their way - and I dread to think what their front garden will look like after that!

It also brings a whole new dimension to having a widdle. It just makes my eyes water thinking about it!
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‘... With Extra Pepperoni!’

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John Prescott has apparently complained that the News of The World paid private investigators to tap his mobile phone. According to one paper this morning, it is also alleged that the newspaper has had to pay up to a million pounds in out-of court settlements to others whose phones were proved to be tapped.

It is, of course, a disgrace that any newspaper or other body should tap the telephones of those in the public eye or anyone else come to that.

But it is a mystery to me that if the newspaper is found to have tapped John Prescott’s phone, why they should be the slightest bit interested in his takeaway orders!
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I Know Where To Look!

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Cardiff University are looking for two hundred volunteers for a new trial to see how efficient maggots are at treating wounds.

Have they thought about approaching some of our MPs?
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Open Government?

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Many people will fondly remember the comedy sit-com series, Yes, Minister, and its sequel, Yes, Prime Minister, which aired on BBC between 1980 and 1988.

Devotees of the half-hour programmes, which now and again are aired on the satellite channels, marvel at the tussles between the minister (or prime minister in the sequel), Jim Hacker, and his Permanent Secretary, Sir Humphrey Appleby, which we all suspect mirror exactly the ponderous and often devious workings of Parliament and the Civil Service.

So last night I was delighted to see the very first episode of this hugely popular comedy series and was intrigued to see that Jim Hacker, the new Minister for the (fictional) Department for Administrative Affairs was proposing a White Paper entitled ‘Open Government’.

‘Open Government.’ Doesn’t that conjure up an image of a new government keen to open up its affairs so that everything it does is transparent and subject to scrutiny by the public?

What a shame though, that this fictional programme thought of such a policy as long ago as 1980 - and that absolutely nothing has happened since then!

But then, it was a television programme. Much like Parliament today, come to think of it!
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First, Club And Cattle Class!

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Unbelievably, Ryanair are investigating whether it can install stools on aircrafts so as to cram more people into them. Apparently, the idea is that during takeoffs and landings, they would be strapped to the stools but could stand up during the rest of the flight.

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that air travel was exciting. People put on their best clothes and arrived at airports ninety minutes before takeoff full of expectation that even in tourist class there would be pleasant service staff and reasonable meals.

How things have changed. Now we have to get to airports three hours before departure. Security checks are more stringent than ever (though I for one wouldn’t argue about that). What one can take on board is strictly limited. Seat space seems to have become smaller and the seats more uncomfortable. Staff are overworked and often surly. Unless one is travelling first or club class, the meals are generally dreadful. And the whole experience is summed up in the oft-used description of air travel as being by ‘cattle class’.

One understands the need for airlines to reduce their costs, but there is a limit surely? If Ryanair carry on the way they are going (possibly also charging to use the toilet, buy sick bags, etc.) travel with that airline is likely to be as exciting - and as crowded and tiring - as travel on the London Underground.

And with people standing up all over the place, potentially dangerous!
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Encased In Concrete

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We hear that Michael Jackson will be laid to rest in a gold-plated casket and that this will be encased in concrete when he is buried so as to avoid fanatical fans from digging him up.

They need to be careful. Consider his song ‘Ghosts’ -

There's a ghost down in the hall
There's a ghoul upon the bed
There's something in the walls
There's blood up on the stairs
And it's floating through the room
And there's nothing I can see
And I know that that's the truth
Because now it's onto me.
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Political Correctness Gone Mad!

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Over a two-year period a total of 29 prisoners did a runner from an open prison in Suffolk, and the local newspaper recently asked for their names under the Freedom of Information Act.

Instead of getting all the details so that folk could look out for these abscondees, the Ministry of Justice replied they couldn’t do this on the grounds that they could not ‘disclose, to a third party, personal information about another person.’

Wow! Is that sane or not?

And Now For Something Completely Different!

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It seems that some of the sailors on board HMAS Success ran a book on who could bed more of their female colleagues or on having sex in a strange place. They kept the details of their exploits in a book called The Ledger.

We don’t know how long this was happening on this aptly named warship but some spoilsport spilt the beans in May and, as a result, some of the men have been repatriated from the Far East to Australia where the naval authorities are going to hold a formal inquiry.

I’m not a betting man normally, but I’ll bet a tenner that the Aussie Admirals are all now queuing up to be a member of that inquiry!
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What A Hoot!

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The Portuguese Economics Minister has resigned after making a rude cuckold gesture at an opposition MP by placing his index fingers on his head, imitating horns which traditionally signify a man whose wife is unfaithful.

That’s one way of livening up long Parliamentary sessions but, alas, it’s not the gesture that might be applied to our economic supremos!

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Is There Enough Time?

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A Leeds fishmonger called BBC Radio Leeds during a phone-in- with ‘Bronco’ Brown recently to complain about the lack of help for small businesses during the current recession. He was then surprised when the man himself called round next day for a little chat.

Let’s see. There are around 61 million people living in Great Britain at the last estimate.

And we’d all like to have a little chat with Mr Brown!
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Let Him Out!

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The Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs has been refused parole by the Justice Secretary on the grounds that he was ‘wholly unrepentant’ about his part in the robbery. And this, despite a recommendation from the Parole Board.

I hold no candle for Biggs and the crime he committed but, for heaven’s sake, he is 79, very sick and frail and cannot possibly represent a threat to the public. He’s already served ten years which is more than some murderers get!

Let him out is what I say. Who cares if he enjoys a brief spell as a celebrity sipping a pint in his local pub?
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Order! Order!

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Yesterday, the Home Secretary announced that the government has dropped plans to make ID cards compulsory for pilots and airside workers at Manchester and London City airports. Whoopee!

This announcement, like so many by this current government, was made through official press channels before being made to the House of Commons. This led the Shadow Immigration Minister to accuse the Home Secretary of a ‘flagrant breach’ of a ruling by the Speaker that ministerial announcements should first be made to the Commons.

You cannot argue with that, for it is right that ministerial announcements should first be made to the people who are supposed to represent us.

Given that the Tories were whispering that the new Speaker was a closet Labour supporter, it doesn’t seem that the government has given him any support.

Order! Order! Oh, please, let’s have some order!
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What Is The Point?

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You sometimes wonder if the government - and by that I mean ‘Bronco’ Brown - knows what it is doing from one day to the next. Take the ID card fiasco.

Initially, everyone in the country was going to be compelled to have one of these ID cards, but it would not be compulsory to carry it. So what was the point in bothering, one might ask, especially as each one issued so far is estimated to have cost the government (and that means us) £2,857?

The government, reacting to a national outcry but not allowing MPs to vote on the issue, decided that the scheme - except for foreign nationals - would be a voluntary one. Let me think now: the government is offering to let me buy an ID card that I don’t need, cannot use and is going to cost me £30? Thanks, but no thanks!

Then they came up with the odd idea that pilots and airside workers would be compelled to have them and that this would be ‘trialed’ with those working at Manchester and London City airports. Unions, of course, reacted sharply and the result is that yet again the government has climbed down, performed the latest u-turn and dropped the idea.

Really! What is the point of compelling or inviting people to buy an ID card that they are not compelled to carry?
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